Episode Report Card Gustave: A- | 0 USERS: N/A YOU GRADE IT Rock on, Bride of Kiefer!
By Gustave | Season 1 | Episode 7 | Aired on 2002.01.08
The time is 6:29:45 AM. Klockwise from the top left, Kiefer does some kwick thinking, Gaines keeps an eye on the KieferKonsole, Milo decrypts his little heart out, and NotYork remains tied to a tree. At Milo's desk, the Super Sugar Crisp has been kleaned up, but Milo hasn't realized yet that Kiefer switched keycards, and he's frustrated because he thinks he's hit a snag with the decryption. Jalapeno is all too happy to come to his rescue. She suggests that he "link the sectors." That seems to put Milo back on track, so they share a "pretty sneaky sis!" moment that is milked for an extra five minutes for some reason.
Back at the tree where NotYork is trussed up like a turkey, Bride of Kiefer tries to flag down cars. Oh yeah, that's the kind of hitchhiker that always gets a ride: a sleep-deprived, badly coiffed woman with a rock in her hand standing next to an unconscious guy tied to a tree. Hop in, stranger! Where ya headed? NotYork, who is now awake, informs Bride that her struggle is in vain. "If I don't deliver you in a half an hour," he says, "Spawn is dead!" Bride lifts the rock above her head and tries to force him to tell her where Spawn is being held. NotYork is unmoved, pointing out to her that he can't talk if he's unconscious. He offers to take Bride to her daughter if she unties him. Fortunately, Bride's not stupid. She leaves NotYork tied up and runs off to find a spot where her cell reception will allow her to make a call.
At 6:31:25, Kiefer calls Palmer's security staff and demands that he get priority clearance to attend the Palmer breakfast. At first they can't authorize him because he's not on "the list," but Gaines insists that Kiefer insist. Finally, they defer to his CIA-ness and put him "on the list." He hangs up, buries his face in his hands, and caresses the pictures on his desk of Bride and Spawn. Next, Gaines orders Kiefer to call his division head and check himself out to attend the Palmer breakfast.
TerrorKompound. Spawn is hanging out in what seems to be a large broom closet for some reason. She hears the door being unlocked, and starts to freak out until she sees that it's Rick entering. Rick tells Spawn that she was right all along and that Gaines isn't going to let him go. Rick just happens to find a spare piece of chalk lying around -- who doesn't have tons of spare chalk lying around in their storage areas? -- and they plan their escape from the terror compound by drawing a map of the surrounding area on the slate floor. Who knew that Rick was a cartography major? Someone's at the door, one of Gaines's gun-wielding minions, so Rick erases the "map" really quickly and pretends to be raping Spawn. Spawn gets into the charade and even pretends to fight him off. This is sufficient to fool Gun Wielding Minion, who gives Rick another "four minutes" alone with Spawn so he can climax. When they have their privacy again, Rick tells Spawn that he's going to leave the door unlocked on his way out. Um, when did they lock her in there anyway? Judging by the flirtation outside by the basin earlier in the episode, I thought Spawn was free to frolic around the TerrorKompound planning steamy escapes with Rick to her heart's content. They agree to meet behind the shed later and make a run for it. Spawn apologizes for hitting Rick back when he was pretending to rape her. Aw!!!!