Episode Report Card Gustave: A- | 0 USERS: N/A YOU GRADE IT Rock on, Bride of Kiefer!
By Gustave | Season 1 | Episode 7 | Aired on 2002.01.08
Rick and Spawn have made it to a cyclone fence, where they are, um, digging their way to freedom. Seriously. Rick is digging again for some reason, and I'm wondering if the reemergence of the "love shovel" is supposed to be an important detail or motif. Just as they're about to slip under the fence to freedom, Spawn hears screams. They look up just in time to see HoodedBride being escorted into the TerrorKompound. I don't know what it is about Bride in that hood -- maybe it reminds me of that Taliban Oppressing Women documentary they're always rerunning on CNN -- but it sure is freaky scary. Spawn decides -- get this! -- to stay behind at the TerrorKompound and help her mother out. Um, Spawn? I think you'd be more helpful to your mother if you got your stupid teen ass out of there and called the authorities. At least Rick has the sense to run away and call the authorities himself. Oh, wait. He doesn't. He decides to stay at Spawn's side. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Jeez, if these two reproduce, they are going to conceive the stupidest child alive! You know how you can't score under 200 on the SATs? When this child reaches his junior year of high school -- at the age of thirty, mind you -- he will be the first. Mark my words! Spawn goes back to the TerrorBroomKloset before anyone notices her missing. Rick joins her. Stupid Spawn! Stupid Rick! Stupid stupid stupid couple!
Soul Patch watches the surveillance tape at his desk and sees Nina and Kiefer struggling with the gun moments before. After he finds a tissue and puts the lube away, he notices Kiefer going to the closet and picking out the jacket for Nina. "Why did he give her a flak jacket?" he asks himself. Good boy, Soul Patch! You're finally being useful!
Back at the oil fields, Nina sits up and pulls the bullets from Kiefer's gun out of the flak jacket. She gets up off the bare ground, dusts herself off, and stumbles back to civilization -- as I imagine she does on many a morning, if you catch my drift. The time is 6:59:58...6:59:59…7:00:00 AM. Hey! No one died!