Episode Report Card Gustave: A- | 0 USERS: N/A YOU GRADE IT Rock on, Bride of Kiefer!
By Gustave | Season 1 | Episode 7 | Aired on 2002.01.08
The time is 6:42:04 AM. Klockwise from the top left, Rick continues to not rape Spawn, Gaines watches KTV -- all Kiefer, all the time -- NotYork gets to know the tree some more, and Bride tries to get some cellular service. Bride finds a spot where she can use her cell. She calls Kiefer's cell, but a hunky bald doctor who happens to be passing through the St. Mahk's parking lot finds Kiefer's discarded phone on the ground and answers it. He's no help at all. Bride hangs up on the hunky doctor and calls CTU. Jamey answers. Um, speaking of people who need secretaries, why is CTU's prize computer hacker stuck answering phones when Nina and Kiefer leave the building? I mean, if they can get a temp to replace her, why can't they get one to cover the switchboard too? Hell, I hear Soul Patch has some downtime. Give him the Pacific Bell manual to memorize and strap a headset on his ass! Bride tells her about the kidnapping, and begs Jalapeno to send some agents down to get her and NotYork. Jalapeno writes down her location (Mulholland and Coldwater -- how Lynchian!) and promises to send someone right away.
At 6:43:40 AM, The Palmers are getting ready for the breakfast. Lady MacPalmer (tm Jase-bot) looks mighty fine wearing something besides that damn robe. Her hair and make-up are boss as well. She assures Palmer that he looks "presidential," wipes some imaginary lint off the shoulder of his dress shirt, and suggests that they blackmail Reporter Maureen to keep her from airing the story. Palmer doesn't go for it. Because he's so good. And she's so bad. Palmer reties his tie.
Back at the TerrorKompound, Rick exits the TerrorBroomCloset, leaving it unlocked as promised, and goes over to Gun Wielding Minion to brag about raping Spawn. GWM (heh!) warns Rick about messing with Spawn. "If Gaines caught you with her," says GWM. "Bang! You're dead!" Yeah, like Rick is going to survive more than two more episodes whether he uses his dick or not. And don't ask me how I know. I just do. I have a corn on my left foot that predicts stuff like this. Rick points out that Gaines didn't catch him, and tries to hit GWM up for information on Gaines's credibility. GWM assures that Gaines is a man of his word, and considers getting a little sloppy seconds from the Spawn platter himself. Rick talks him out of it -- because he cares like that -- and suggests that they go load a truck together instead. With the boys out of sight, Spawn sneaks out of the TerrorBroomCloset, flashes us a little more boob through the top of her vest, and runs into the woods. Meanwhile, Rick remembers something he forgot to do and abandons GWM to go meet Spawn at their appointed meeting place behind the shed. They meet up and run toward an unguarded cluster of trees.