Episode Report Card Cindy McLennan: D | 329 USERS: C- YOU GRADE IT Elegy for Our Lady of Perpetual Victimhood
By Cindy McLennan | Season 5 | Episode 12 | Aired on 01.30.2014
Stefan: Really?
Nadia: I want my mother's body.
Damon: That's what she said.
Nadia, grabbing Damon: Tell me where she is.
Damon, overpowering Nadia, who is centuries older than he is: No, the maggots think she's yummy. Now watch this drive.
Meanwhile, at the Lockwood mansion...
Matt "Pudding Pop" Donovan: Dude, where's my phone?
Tyler "Pudding Pup" Lockwood: Dude, here's my passing outage.
Matt: Dude?
Tyler: Dude!
Matt: Dude.
Tyler: Drinks?
Matt: 7:42 AM!
Tyler: Dude...
Matt: What happened in New Orleans?
Tyler: Well, some of the more recent episodes of The Originals are on Hulu, but your best bet is to read Tippi Blevins' recaps on TWoP. She watches, so you don't have to.
Audience: Excellent. I hope Tippi isn't as bitter about The Originals, as Cindy is about The Vampire Diaries.
Recapper: Please. I am approaching Damien versus Charmed levels of bitterness.
Raoul: CANCELED! Sorry. Reflex. I clutch my pearls with one hand, and grab the nearest bottle with the other.
Matt: Hulu? Recaps? I don't even know what you people are talking about. What about those of us who are behind, right now, like oh, say me?
Tyler: Would you believe we're starting fresh?
Recapper: Certainly, especially if it means I don't have to catch up on that show to cover this show.
Matt: Well, then we're celebrating. Party tonight. Be there or be square.
Tyler: Dude, nothing is squarer than what you just said.
Matt: Take a shower, you smelly pig.
Meanwhile, back at the dorm...
Veronica Mars: Caroline is obsessively cleaning everything. This is what I did when I thought I figured out that my current boyfriend raped me, in the past, when he was my pre-boyfriend, best friend's then recent boyfriend, my own then recent boyfriend's best friend, and my high school's Obligatory Psychotic Jackass.
Fandom: OMG, was Caroline raped.
Recapper: No. She had regrettable sex which she, herself, instigated.
Veronica Mars: So I can ignore this, now.
Audience: Yeah, girl. You've got a movie to give us.