Episode Report Card Cindy McLennan: D | 329 USERS: C- YOU GRADE IT Elegy for Our Lady of Perpetual Victimhood
By Cindy McLennan | Season 5 | Episode 12 | Aired on 01.30.2014
Previously on , The Vampire Diaries, everyone was a deplorable douche bag, except Matt.
Now on ,The Vampire Diaries, everyone is a deplorable douche bag, except Matt. Also, Caroline has woods sex with Klaus. Oh wait, that's a redundancy of the first sentence in this paragraph. Carry on (my wayward son...).
My Matt "Pudding Pop" Donovan sits on a park bench, waiting for Elena. She appears behind him, puts her hands over his eyes and plays the "Guess Who" game, except this isn't really Elena. It is Katherine in Elena's meat suit. Eventually, Nadia arrives and serves as the reinforcement squad. Katherine wants Matt to cough up personal Elena intel.
Since she's already determined he's no longer ingesting vervain (in case "someone" needs blood), but rather, is only wearing a vervain bracelet. Katherine rips off Matt's homemade bling, and compels him to do her bidding. While he's out, she asks things like Jeremy's birthday (October 13), Elena's birthday (June 22, which seems to contradict last season's ELENA'S BIRTHDAY episode), and the address of the house she burned down (2104 Maple Street). Kiki's last question asks how Elena broke up with Matt. My heart bleeds. Title card.
One question: How come on TV people live in these small-ass towns (no offense to small-ass towns, I choose to live in one), but when we learn their street addresses, their house numbers are always up in the thousands? How long is fricking Maple Street in Mystic Falls? This is the most interesting question that pops into my mind the episode. Caveat lector.
Hours earlier, Nadia -- bearing cuffs and chains -- returns to the hotel room she shares with Katherine. The Travelers need Katherine's corpse for what I'm precisely and scientifically going to call a thing. Since Nadia and Kiki can't be sure when Elena's consciousness will reemerge, Kiki allows Nadia to cuff and chain her to the bed.
Sidebar: This might be out of place, but this is when it popped into my stuffy head, so I just want to say, I think this entire series would have worked better for me if Katherine had first gotten involved with Damon, then fell in love with Stefan. It's too late for all that now, but it bears mention.
Damon: Heigh ho, heigh ho, it's back from burying Kiki I go.