Episode Report Card Miss Alli: B+ | 498 USERS: C+ YOU GRADE IT I'm a Guay? No, Uruguay!
By Miss Alli | Season 5 | Episode 1 | Aired on 2004.07.06
Kami and Karli (no, really) are identical twins, because the people in casting still think abusing the recapper is really, really funny. The good news is that at least they're not triplets, because three people should not have those creepy smiles. Karli explains, as we watch them jauntily play soccer, that she and Kami have "nonverbal language." But she can't really describe it. Because it's just that nonverbal. She says Kami knows "every single thing about [her]," which I suspect still leaves plenty of mental real estate unoccupied. They look at their interviewer serenely and say that one thing that will happen in the race will be "doing what [they're] good at." And then they pause. And they smirk. And they tip their heads. And they say in unison, "Manipulating." Wow. I think that's the fastest a team has ever gone from zero to dead-to-me.
Linda and Karen are best friends and they like to bowl together. Wait, are they air traffic controllers? Because they might have already been on this show. Someone should check their fingerprints, because it's amazing what they can do with surgery these days. Anyway, Linda says that they "always try to outdo each other," in both bowling and cooking. I do hope they keep those two things straight, because roast turkeys don't really roll straight, making it very hard to pick up the spare. Karen adds that they "go in to win." Oh, good. Nothing pleases my ear quite like peppy sayings that weakly rhyme.
Marshall and Lance are not Kevin and Drew. That would probably hold you, information-wise, but Phil does elaborate that they're brothers who own a pizza place. They promise to fight and "come close to killing one another." You know, hostility is really something that should develop naturally, fellas. It usually does for me. Coincidentally, it's happening right now. The one I think is Lance (who I secretly suspect has been overcompensating for being named "Lance" since he was in short pants) says he's "abrasive" and "loud" even though he's "never really looking to offend someone," but only "being [him]self." I have never had anyone except total assholes use that "I gotta be me, so all my behavior is pre-excused on account of inevitability" argument, so that does not bode well.