Episode Report Card Demian: F | 218 USERS: C+ YOU GRADE IT Enter The Stench
By Demian | Season 4 | Episode 4 | Aired on 2001.10.18
Manor parlor, aftermath. Piper and Phag perch on a sofa, with the purloined dagger on the coffee table in front of them. Phag fills Piper in on the backstory, adding that Not Cho overcame the injury she earlier inflicted by using his knowledge of the Mystical Ways Of Whatever to escape to "a place where souls pass on their way to reincarnation. The mystical region between life and death." "Limbo," the Dolt helpfully defines from his seat on another couch. "Metaphysical and magical laws are amplified in Limbo," he explains. "As long as he stays there his wound will never advance. He can literally cheat death forever." Oh, the pain. I could rant about how wrong it is to define Limbo in this manner. I could rant further about what the Second Vatican Council had to say on the topic. I could even crack wise about unbaptized infants and the righteous of other faiths, but you know what? I want to make it through this shit-pile car-wreck of an episode with my sanity and relative youth intact, so we're just going to play along. The purpose of the purloined dagger is to capture Not Cho's soul, thereby depriving him of his ability to wreak havoc on the planet with his perversion of the Mystical Ways Of Whatever. By absconding with Gold-Tooth Charlie to Limbo, Not Cho seeks to punish Phag's Pa by preventing his soul from ever being reborn. As long as Charlie's body remains there, his soul remains trapped. I think I got everything. Oh, wait: Not Cho can use "any surface of water as a portal," but he can't stay in this world for extended periods of time, as that would allow his wounds to advance to the point where they kill him. Everyone got that? Christ, this is tedious. Piper rises to her feet to summon Alyssa and Rose from the kitchen. Upon entering the parlor, they are introduced to Phag. Alyssa makes with the "Hi! I'm Paige! Oops! I mean, hi! I'm Phoebe!" B.S. that is so very not enjoyable. Piper, Phag, and the Dolt glance uneasily at each other. Piper decides Phoebe is simply being her usual low-wattage self and instructs the two to ensure that the leaky water valve in the basement is blocked, then heads to the attic to consult the Book of Shadows on other possible entries into Limbo.
Speaking of the nonexistent metaphysical realm, the camera cuts to a shot of thunderheads and proceeds to dive right into them. Below, we discover a sound stage that the folks on the boards so accurately described as a thirty-five-year-old relic from the original Star Trek series. There is an abundance of beige papier-mâché boulders with twigs and dried weeds popping out of them here and there. The drop cloth on the soundstage floor has been raked over with dirt and dead leaves. The diorama in the background is streaked with varying shades of brown. It's a low-tech nightmare, people. Gold-Tooth Charlie stands in the middle of all of this, strapped to a "tree." Not Cho circles him, taunting. Presently, we are introduced to a "swirling," "sucking" "vortex" in a "wall" that is identified as The Portal Into The Next Life. Gold-Tooth Charlie tells Not Cho that his soul will be dry-cleaned of all Eeevil should he pass through this Portal. "You can start life fresh." "Yeah," Not Cho shoots back, "as a tapeworm." Oh, so they're dragging karma through the mud along with everything else this evening. Just remember, Kern: Payback's a bitch. Not Cho reveals his dastardly plan. Now that he knows he can trap Phag's Pa in Limbo forever, he has taken it upon himself to rid the world of all "Zen masters." "All their wisdom and magic lost forever in Limbo. Now that's [Eeevil]," he sneers. Gold-Tooth Charlie changes the subject, wondering how Not Cho managed first to enter and then to escape the surrounding nonexistent metaphysical realm. Not Cho reminds him of the traveling-through-water thing and duhs something about clouds being nothing more than vast pools of wet stuff. He rises into the air, cutting the conversation short. He promises to find and kill Phag, then vanishes upwards into the mist.