Episode Report Card Demian: F | 218 USERS: C+ YOU GRADE IT Enter The Stench
By Demian | Season 4 | Episode 4 | Aired on 2001.10.18
Not Michelle's all "This is how you repay my father after all he taught you? Everything he gave you?" Gold-Tooth Charlie crosses a small, picturesque bridge to stand at Not Michelle's side. If he's the father of whom she speaks, she will now be Phag. Despite the fact that Not Cho calls her something like "An Ling," because that name is so obviously a suck-up to Ang Lee I could vomit. The gist of the beef Not Cho has with these people is that Gold-Tooth Charlie trained him in the Mystical Ways Of Whatever so that Not Cho could one day succeed him as head of the "monastery." Not Cho took the training and tried to use it for personal gain, which we all recognize to be A Big No-No in The Land Of Charmed. So, Phag's Pa made Phag here his designated successor in Not Cho's stead, and now Not Cho believes it to be payback time. There's some more swordplay when Gold-Tooth Charlie orders Not Cho off the premises. Phag stabs him in the gut. "You think this is the end," Not Cho threatens. "We're just getting started." Not Cho darts over to a nearby birdbath and dives into it, vanishing in the splash of the shallow water. Yeah, it sounds cool, but I think they burned through too much of their effects budget in the last three episodes, because it comes out looking assy. Rather than seeming to disappear through a portal, Not Cho sort of dissolves in mid-air. Phag and her Pa stand over the birdbath in consternation as we cut to the credits.
Back from the break, Piper's in the kitchen with Rose, asking her a question about the proper disposal of unused "sea slugs." Rose makes an unfunny about releasing them into their native habitat, whereas the correct method involves freeze-drying them for future use. Rose, who heretofore has shown no affinity for sweets whatsoever, toys with A Conspicuous Lollipop Of Contrivance. Piper, who heretofore has shown no need to share her extensive knowledge of potions and their ingredients, is a total bitch. "This isn't like trig," she whines. "It's not like you're never going to use it again. If you blow a potion, innocent people could die." She flips her hair around and asks, "Didn't you study at all for this test?" Rose relates a sordid tale of club-hopping the prior evening that basically means, "Duh. Of course not. I have a life, you know." Piper groans and tells Rose to study that evening. Rose can't. The boss's son is in town, and she hopes that showing him a good time will further her career opportunities, like, whore, maybe if you actually worked while at your place of employment, you'd get that promotion you want. Piper accuses Rose of having "no priorities." Doesn't she realize that The Glamorous Ladies Of Halliwell Manor could be attacked at any moment? If that's the case, Rose counters, why is she wasting her time with "book learning" when she should be "learning how to body-slam big, sweaty demons like Phoebe." I'm going to assume she did not just call Phoebe a big, sweaty demon, but was rather referring to Cole. Piper exasperates that Phoebe's been working on her "craft" for a good three years now. If Rose is patient, and learns all of her lessons, one day she'll "get a big, sweaty demon of [her] own." Again with the assumption above. Piper rises from the table to retrieve an umbrella and the car keys. She needs to head to Chinatown to replenish the Manor's herb supply. Rose jumps at the chance to go with her for a manicure while Piper's shopping. Piper clenches and states, "Don't make me the Wicked Witch of the Northwest." Too late. You've more than adequately taken care of that yourself. Also: "Northwest"? That would be Seattle, so shut up. "I didn't ask for this big sister gig, and, frankly, it sucks," Piper continues before ordering Rose to remain in the kitchen to practice her potions. She also suggests Rose lose the Conspicuous Lollipop Of Contrivance, as "it's gonna rot [her] teeth." Rose again rolls her eyes, popping the CLOC back into her mouth.