Episode Report Card Demian: F | 218 USERS: C+ YOU GRADE IT Enter The Stench
By Demian | Season 4 | Episode 4 | Aired on 2001.10.18
Master Kwan's House Of Herbs And Crustacean Embryos. Seriously. The establishing shot is of a jar full of misshapen crawdads floating in urine. Well, a yellow liquid, at any rate. I think they're crawdads. I don't know from shellfish. The way this episode's been going, we should be thankful they're not dogs. Mason inspects the jar's contents, then asks Rose why they're there. First-date awkwardness ensues, complicated by the altered-identity tedium. Rose keeps referring to herself in the third person and mentions Cole as "my boyfriend," all of which Mason finds a bit off-putting. I presume this means he's not into three-ways with addled, distracted schizophrenics and the men who love them, which I suppose is a good thing. Rose purchases a bag of toadstool as lightning cracks outside. "Uh-oh. [Not Cho]," she singsongs, drawing a "the hell?" look of puzzlement from Mason. Rose bails on the date with little ado. Say goodbye to Mason, kids.
Manor. Lightning flashes as rain pounds the facade. Down in the basement, Alyssa attempts to levitate. She fails. Cole squiggles into the background, leaning casually on the stairs' banister. He's changed into a pair of black slacks with a blue buttondown shirt beneath a black, mid-thigh jacket. He also apparently showered. Because everything else in this episode blows dingoes, I find myself wondering where the Colethazor is keeping his wardrobe now that he no longer has an apartment in the city. He gazes upon Alyssa yodeling in dismay for a moment, then asks, "What are you doing?" What, indeed. Alyssa passes her spasmodic jerkings off as "levitation exercises." Cole asks if this means she's ready to resume her training. She nods eagerly. He flings a couple of "low voltage" Flaming Balls Of Death at her, which she is supposed to dodge. They land square on her shoulder and her ass. Alyssa yowls and hoots and tells Cole off for treating his "girlfriend" in so cavalier a manner. Cole finally guesses something's not quite right in Halliwell Manor and asks, "What's gotten into you?" "Paige!" blurts Alyssa, then makes with some lame cover story about talking to her sister about the troubles she's been having of late in her relationship with the demonic boy toy. Unfortunately, she goofs and refers to herself in the third person. Cole notes the gaffe and tries unsuccessfully to yank the truth out of Alyssa. Alyssa's all "Look! You tore my jogging bra!" or something and bolts upstairs. Cole furrows his manly brow.