Episode Report Card Demian: F | 218 USERS: C+ YOU GRADE IT Enter The Stench
By Demian | Season 4 | Episode 4 | Aired on 2001.10.18
You know, I wish I could dignify the Freaky Friday rip-off that follows with appropriate character names along the lines of Fuffy/Baith and Marcel/Angus, but there is never a moment when Alyssa Milano as Paige-in-Phoebe convinces me she's accurately portraying Rose McGowan as Paige. (Though now that I think about welding together names, Raige is pretty good for Rose until I get used to the horrible name they gave her character.) Rose does a marginally better job as Phoebe, but this is mainly due to her simply dropping the neophyte act and amping up the anger. As a result, we'll be going with Alyssa for Alyssa and Rose for Rose. Any objections? Too bad. I'm doing it anyway.
So, Alyssa wakes up, bugs her eyes out, and breathily intones in that rash-inducing baby-talk manner of hers, "How did I get down here?" Cole approaches with the dropped sword, causing Alyssa to scurry behind the punching bag in fear. She pants. She hoots. She gazes at her tits. She checks the color of her ponytail. She bounds up the stairs to the kitchen. Cole-san is displeased. Upstairs, Rose is waking up herself, staggering to her feet while gripping the island counter. The gals quickly determine the nature of the problem. Rose is pissed. Alyssa is a moron. Rose agrees not to tell Piper of the potion-mixing accident. Alyssa pouts. Rose tells her to "wipe that look off my face." Alyssa yanks her shirt away from her body to gaze once more at her tits. "God, this top is tight." Rose says something about tight tops equaling killer looks before Cole-san thankfully emerges from the basement. He's pulled on a white, hoodless, zippered sweatshirt, and damn. Boy is fine. A non-comic conversation of mistaken identities ensues, and it makes absolutely no sense at all. I can understand the need to keep Piper out of the loop on this whole thing because you know she'd just turn into a raging bitch about it, but lying to Cole? To what end? Anyway, lie they do, because some idiot in the writers' room decided it would be entertaining, rather than irritating. And stupid. Rose tells Cole that Alyssa can't continue with the training that afternoon. Cole guilts Alyssa, and by extension Rose, about her lack of resolve for a little while, then squiggles out. "If we don't fix this soon, I am going to perm your hair," Rose seethes. Alyssa bites her lower lip and does her best impersonation of a retarded six-year-old.