Episode Report Card Erin: A | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Doctor, Doctor, Gimme The News!
By Erin | Season 2 | Episode 6 | Aired on 11.09.2002
First Mate Fipple Flute dodges traffic in pursuit of Auntie Em, with Jack following closely behind. Auntie Em's trail leads to the interior of a church. Heh. Like there are churches in L.A. Detective Depth Sounder now officially looks like a bat out of hell. He's sweating, his eyes are wild, and he jumps about five feet in the air when a priest taps him on the shoulder and asks if he can help. Agent Aurora Borealis is all, yeah, padre, dig this, I'm on about three grams of mescaline and, like, did you see a woman come in here? Just now? The priest is all, uh, no, dude, but could you hook me up with your contact? Because that mescaline looks like it's treating you riiiiiiight.
Jack approaches and intervenes, pulling a hyperventilating Lieutenant Lackaday off to the pews. Officer Yoko Ono is all, you tell me you saw her, dude, or I will go all sorts of Dennis Hopper on your ass! Jack's all, I saw a woman, okay? But that's about as big a commitment as I'm gonna make. You're suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder, dude. Pull it together. Sergeant Stammer Head is all, no no no! She's alive! ALIVE! Jack's all, well, there's one way to clear this whole mess up, princess. Monsieur Muddlehead is all, oh shit, I gotta go make like Ed Gein and do some graveyard digging...
Ops Center Of Moody Lighting And Missing Swedish Actresses. Syd's spilling it to Devlin about Spy Daddy's involvement with the Madagascar blow-up. Devlin's all, save it, sister. Your dad beat you to it when he handed me his statement this morning. And guess what? A hearing's been scheduled with the Joint Intelligence Committee. Syd's all, but my intention wasn't to punish my dad; it was to stop my mother's execution. Devlin's all, well, it's a little late for that, honey. Excuse me, I have to take this call. Oh, actually, it's someone asking that you head down to medical services. What's that? Why didn't they just call you? Well, that's a very good question. Hey, why didn't you just call her? Oh, because I hadn't had enough screen time so far this season and I'm actually J.J. Abrams' great-uncle? Well, that's a good enough reason for me!
Syd heads down to medical services. Wow, this Ops Center has everything. High-security prison cells, closed-circuit television feeds, radar-capable computer screens, medical facilities...who needs the actual CIA offices when you can have the over-equipped and highly-funded Ops Center? Syd enters a room with several sweater-vested doctors. The lead doctor asks Syd how long she was in proximity to the Big Red Ball in Taipei. Syd's all, about a minute or something. "I made it to the other side of the door," she continues, "but Vaughn was submerged for, I dunno, maybe about another minute or two. Will someone please tell me what's going on?" Doctor Sweater Vest is all, we believe the Big Red Ball is the source of the virus that infected the Geneva guys and we think you and Vaughn may have been infected.