Episode Report Card Erin: A | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Doctor, Doctor, Gimme The News!
By Erin | Season 2 | Episode 6 | Aired on 11.09.2002
Captain Caca Brains cuts Dingus off with a terse "thank you," and Dingus looks incredibly wounded as he takes his seat. Corporal Cuckoo For Cocoa Puffs goes on to tell his team that Sark managed to get his hands on a medically-equipped 727 in order to transport three patients, all presumably suffering from the same virus as Richter, to a private hospital in Geneva. Why Geneva, you ask? Well, because they make great watches and Sark's an avid timepiece collector, if you really must know.
Okay, actually, the hospital is one of Sark's business fronts, and SD-6 believes that he's assembled a team to study the virus. Sloane informs Syd and Spy Daddy that their objective is to enter the facility and retrieve the research information. They'll be teaming up as a father who needs a kidney and the loving daughter who's lending him one of hers. Sloane's all, I trust that this won't be too much of a stretch for either of you? I mean, since you're so close and affectionate with each other and everything.
Of course, this actually IS a stretch for both of them, and Spy Daddy wants to talk about it just as soon as they're out of the meeting. Jack's all, dude? We should talk. Syd's all, fuck off and die, you sneaky son-of-a-bitch. Jack's all, oh yeah? Well, you must have questions, right? You can either be angry, or informed. Which one's it gonna be? Syd kicks him in the nuts and spits in his face, declaring that the next time he comes anywhere near her, she's going to do something a little more permanent to his balls that will make procreation an impossible occurrence for him in the years to come.
Or she just retreats to some random conference room and allows Spy Daddy to whip out his handy bug-zapper interference pen and start to explain his abhorrent actions. He's all, sweetie, I was just doing it for your own good! I didn't want you to be a victim! I realize that, in not wanting you to be a victim, I sort of, well, MADE you a victim to my own selfish needs and wants, but, like, I MEANT well. I just wanted you to be tough as nails and able to see through people's facades, ya know? Is that wrong? Syd's all, uh, YEAH, goober! You should have told me the truth before I ended up at SD-6, you malfeasance-making motherfucker. Spy Daddy's all, YEAH, I KNOW! And don't you think I know how much a fucked that up? I wanted you to join the CIA and team up with me! But Sloane got to you first. Syd's all, yeah? That's a great story, Dad. Can I have milk and cookies and go to bed now? BECAUSE I DON'T BELIEVE A SINGLE WORD OF YOUR FUCKING FAIRY TALE. She stalks out of the room, leaving Spy Daddy alone with his Pursed Lips Of Utter Angst.
Ops Center For Sea-Green Window Glass And Diversionary Plot Points. Syd and Vaughn are following some geeky goon, who tells them that the feed from Mama Hari's hearing will be coming in right on that monitor over there in the corner that we don't give a shit about. As they start to watch, it becomes apparent that there's no judge. Instead, Senator Douglas is making some sort of announcement. Basically, there ain't no trial. Irina's been found guilty on all counts and has been sentenced to death by lethal injection. Oh, and that injection's taking place in exactly three days. Yeah, because ALL death row inmates, especially those specializing in counter-espionage, are iced less than ninety-six hours after their sentencing. Hello? Ted BUNDY, anyone? That guy brutalized countless women, and HE managed to hang around longer than it takes to order and receive Ratchet and Clank from Amazon.