Episode Report Card Erin: A | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Doctor, Doctor, Gimme The News!
By Erin | Season 2 | Episode 6 | Aired on 11.09.2002
They exit the research area just as a couple of real doctors meander down the hall past them. Of course, as soon as they reach the desk, they discover the tranquilized doctors and put out a security call. Syd and Jack duck into a blood lab and discuss how they have to make it to the roof but they only have enough tranquilizer darts to take out four people. Jack has the brilliant idea of mixing ammonia and iodine together, creating an unstable compound that will most likely cause a welcome diversion when it explodes in the faces of the guards that are quickly approaching down the hall. That Jack! He thinks of everything! Especially when it involves blowing shit up!
As the chopper lands on the roof, Syd and Jack complete their little spinning bomb tray and exit the blood lab, only to be greeted by a group of jaunty beret-wearing soldiers. The soldiers discover the tranq guns, and they're probably about to either kick the shit out of Spy Daddy and Spy Barbie or just simply arrest them when the homemade bombs conveniently blow up, knocking the door straight off the hinges and taking out a couple of guards. The best part of this scene is really just watching Spy Daddy and Spy Barbie kick mutual soldier ASS. There's a lot of shaky camera stuff going on, so it's kind of hard to tell if Victor Garber's actually doing any fighting, but really, who gives a shit? Father and daughter sharing a spy-licious ass-whumping? That's worth the price of admission ANY day.
Spy Barbie shouts at her father to go bypass the lockdown while she holds off the guards. Spy Daddy hoofs it over to the elevator at the end of the hall and starts doing what his daughter told him to as she grabs a couple of guns and starts double-whammying the stumbling guards. No, she doesn't kill any of them. Will you NEVER learn? Syd makes it to the elevator, but Spy Daddy hasn't accomplished his duty yet, so she's sort of stuck there with her cheese breezing out in the wind. The soldiers are shooting at her, but they're obviously all members of the Blind Boys of Alabama, because they couldn't hit a dead duck in the middle of a dry riverbed.
Spy Daddy's all, I need ten seconds, dude! Gimme more time! Spy Barbie's all, dude, I ask you to do ONE thing, ONE THING, and then she starts shooting the shit out of the guards. There's this cool little moment where Syd unloads her empty cartridges and goes, "Ammo!" She spins over to Spy Daddy, and he inserts her fresh clips and returns to his task. Hee. I love cool action shit like that, even if it's totally unrealistic. Hell, I'm a huge fan of Bond films, and they're about as realistic as The X-Files.
Yeah, so, shoot shoot. Elevator fixed. Make it to the rooftop. Ride the helicopter home. On the 'copter, Syd's looking out the window rather mournfully. Spy Daddy's all, you're wondering why Patient Zero mistook you for your mother, right? "He worked for her," he says. "I skimmed the research as it was downloading. Before she surrendered to the CIA, Irina deliberately ordered Sark to expose some of her own operatives to the virus in order to study it. Ask yourself if that's a person worth saving." Dude. DUDE. Give up the GHOST, okay? I mean, he has a point and everything, but give it a rest already. One more word outta you about how much Irina sucks donkey balls, and Syd's gonna be out that door and disappearing into the remotest corner of Borneo before you can say "witness protection."