Episode Report Card Demian: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Farewell, My Liver
By Demian | Season 7 | Episode 8 | Aired on 11.13.2004
And we're back. Mikey Palmice puts the moves on Raige just as Alfalfa returns. Mikey Palmice lies that Raige and Li'l Bulging Brody arrived at the office with murderous intent, to get even with Alfalfa for setting them up. Raige frantically insists that's not true, and accuses Mikey Palmice of murdering Alfalfa's brother. "You didn't see it, did you?" she breathes. "Don't you see?" she continues. "He's been playing you -- he tried to force Dan into giving him the Falcon, but he wouldn't give it up, so now he's trying to charm you out of it." "That's it," Mikey Palmice announces, cocking his gun. "Say goodnight, Gracie," he adds, pointing the thing at Raige's tits. He squeezes the trigger, but the gun's mysteriously jammed. "Thank you!" Raige gasps. "I could use a flashback right about now!" she pleads. The screen flips back to...
...the Manor-bound Morons. Piper makes worried noises as Phoebe narrates her next addition. "Then [Alfalfa] found out how Dan really died. It was as if it was happening all over again." Her scrawl chitters into printed text as the screen flips back to...
...Alfalfa's office. A heaving, groaning noise catches first Raige's, then Alfalfa's attention, and they twist their heads around to watch as the flashback materializes behind them. Mikey Palmice tosses Alfalfa's brother up against a brick wall, punches him a couple of times in the stomach, then hurls him to the ground and plugs him full of holes. Once the flashback ends, Alfalfa spins around, mouth agape, and stares dumbly at Mikey Palmice, who tries to babble his way out of it. From the floor, a bleeding but not-yet-dead Brody murmurs for Raige to "save [her] innocent." Raige launches into a boring little pep talk about Alfalfa growing up and joining the real world, as his brother would doubtless have wanted him to do. As police sirens wail outside the window, Mikey Palmice manhandles Raige, threatening to snap her neck like a twig if Alfalfa doesn't turn over the Falcon. Alfalfa crosses to remove a picture from the wall, revealing a small safe from which he extracts the artifact in question. Raige begs Alfalfa not to hand it over. "This isn't how the story's supposed to end!" she argues. Alfalfa's all, "Trust me," and smashes the thing on the floor. As the statue shatters, a white flare erupts and emits a whirling cloud of smoke that expands to engulf the room and its occupants.
Meanwhile, back in the nonexistent attic, the book glows, and as Phoebe leaps from the table to back herself into a corner with Piper and the Dolt, the mojo cloud emerges from the novel's pages to deposit Alfalfa, Raige, and Li'l Bulging Brody on the floor. The Dolt races over to apply the new and improved Avatar tingly touch to Brody's sucking chest wound as Phoebe dances around, shouting, "We did it! We did it!" Kerr eventually comes to, rolls his head in Raige's direction, and wheezes, "Hey. You're in color." "We all are," she grins. "So, we having fun yet?" she giggles. Li'l Bulging Brody indulges her with a pained chuckle. As the Dolt helps him to his feet, Piper blathers something at Alfalfa about lessons learned, or whatever, and instructs him to return home. "Your parents never gave up on you," she adds. "Or each other," the Dolt interjects, pitching a little more anvilicious woo Piper's way, which Piper receives with a stern glare. Hee. Phoebe, again and forever oblivious, points to the novel and yodels, "Don't forget this!" The shot cuts to take in the book's cover as "and The Halliwell Sisters" magically adds itself to the author slug at the bottom. Alfalfa offers the book to the Glamorous Ladies, as he quite naturally could do without the reminder of his brother's brutal murder. Raige, not getting it, enthuses that the novel will make a welcome addition to the Not!warts library. Insensitive idiot. The Dolt crosses to the grateful Alfalfa's side and orbs out with him as Raige suddenly horns up and purrs, "Hungry?" in Kerr Smith's general direction. He saunters closer to her and replies, "Starving." "Let's go, then," Raige murmurs, and the two slink out of the room as Piper, Phoebe, and Phoebe's Magical Hoo-Hoo Fairy get all verklempt at the idea of Raige riding a Homeland Security agent.