Episode Report Card Demian: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Farewell, My Liver
By Demian | Season 7 | Episode 8 | Aired on 11.13.2004
...the book, where Raige and Li'l Bulging Brody stomp through an alleyway, bickering with each other over Alfalfa's innocence, or lack thereof. It also allows Brody a chance to speed-talk his way through a little more of his backstory, which involves going all juvenile delinquent after his parents were murdered. I remind Brody that he was five years old at the time, tell him to shut the fuck up, and continue with the scene. Brody's convinced Mikey Palmice shot Alfalfa's brother. Why? Well, if the dirty cops had been responsible as Alfalfa believes, those cops would have slung Alfalfa himself into the interrogation room to beat the Falcon's location out of him, much as they did to Brody himself. Since Dan's murder, Mikey Palmice's been "playing" Alfalfa off the corrupt cops in order to snag the artifact for himself. Raige buys Brody's reasoning, and charges off down the alleyway to force a confrontation with the gangsters. The screen flips again to land us...
...back in the nonexistent attic, where Piper and the Dolt are just wrapping up a tag-team explanation of Alfalfa's true role in the novel. Phoebe's taking it all in with a giddy, goofy, gleeful grin on her face. "You guys are a great team," she dreamily doofs once they've stopped yammering at her. "Match-make later," Piper grits. "Save sister NOW." "You need to get [Raige] to Alfalfa," Piper insists, crossing to sit opposite Phoebe at the table. "I can't," Phoebe protests, filling them in on Raige's gangster hunt. "She's gonna get herself killed," frets the Dolt. "Kyle is trying to stop her," Phoebe relates, "but she won't listen to him." She pulls herself short and frowns, "Wait. When did I take his side?" "Probably around the time you started calling him Kyle," Piper eyebrows. The Dolt, cutting through the crap, orders, "Try to block her path." Phoebe snatches up her pen, and...
...an enormous upright piano drops from above to slam onto the asphalt in front of Raige and Li'l Bulging Brody. Snerk. "Could you be any less subtle?" Raige bellows at the sky. Yeah, they could have dropped an actual anvil on you foot, honey, so zip it. God knows how many mangled and fractured toes I've suffered over the last five years. "Let's go get [Alfalfa]," Raige grunts as she sweeps past the upright. Brody follows, after running his fingers down the keyboard. Uh oh. I know Kerr Smith actually plays the piano, and I'm praying that riff's not a hint that we're in for A Very Special Episode wherein Li'l Bulging Brody expresses his feelings for Raige through song. Because then I'd have to kill myself for real.
In decidedly non-musical developments, Raige and Li'l Bulging Brody burst into Alfalfa's private office to find Mikey Palmice already waiting for them. After a bit of banter, Mikey Palmice blows a hole in Kerr Smith's chest. Hooray! Pause. Rewind. Play. Pause. Rewind. Play. Pause. Rewind. Slow-forward. I think I'm going to have to start a separate reel devoted to Kerr Smith abuse. Might as well -- they've certainly been letting the damned dirty Dolt off the hook this season. In any event, Li'l Bulging Brody drops out of the frame as Raige shrieks in alarm. Mikey Palmice sneers something deeply clichéd as the camera lens irises in to the final commercial break.