Episode Report Card Demian: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Farewell, My Liver
By Demian | Season 7 | Episode 8 | Aired on 11.13.2004
Out in the main office, Kerr insists that Alfalfa knows something he's not telling them. Unfortunately, Kerr thinks the secret Alfalfa's keeping is that he really did kill his own brother, and that they might be next on his list of victims. Raige counters that she knows an innocent when she sees one, and guesses that the only way out of their current predicament is to help Alfalfa first. Kerr grumbles at this just as Alfalfa emerges from his private office. He claims to have received an anonymous tip on the Falcon's location. Kerr howls in disbelief, but Alfalfa, unperturbed, and with a surprisingly good poker face, lies, "You guys coming here must have triggered the story to move forward. If we find the Falcon, we can get out. Isn't that what you want?" "Yeah, 'course," Raige hesitates. "Isn't that what you want?" she adds a bit delicately. "Yeah, sure," Alfalfa shrugs before bolting to get his car. "I hope you know what you're doing," Kerr grunts as Raige senses something supernatural. At Kerr's prompting, Raige admits she feels "almost as if someone's calling" to her.
And that someone would, of course, be the Dolt, who stands in the nonexistent attic with the novel in his hands, deploying his astral Lo-Jack. "[Raige] is still alive in there," he confirms, "but I don't know about Kyle." As the camera swings around the Dolt's massive gargoyle head to swoop over to the Manor-bound gals, Phoebe snots, "Wait a minute. You're calling him Kyle now, too?" "That's his name, isn't it?" the Dolt duhs. Phoebe gripes about Brody's involvement for a bit before Piper cuts her off with, "We need to figure out how to get them out of there without getting sucked in ourselves." The Dolt supposes he can help, and rashly flips open the book despite the Glamorous Ladies' yowls of protest. The Mullens' mojo cloud immediately attempts to ensnare him as well, but I'm Not Candy and Uniqua flare into the room for an assist, tossing a little white glow the Dolt's way that somehow deactivates the novel's pull. Though they immediately flare out afterwards, Piper's clearly sensed their presence, and warily turns to examine the now-empty corner where they'd been standing. Phoebe, oblivious, crosses to the Dolt to exclaim, "You must have shorted it out. How did you do that?" The Shifty-Eyed Dolt "guesses" that he's "a little more focused now." "What is it doing?" Piper wonders, crossing to glance over her sneaky ex's shoulder. The Dolt's opened to the eleventh chapter, where the three find new text flaring across the page opposite a sketchily drawn version of Kerr, Raige, and Alfalfa in a sedan. "It looks like it's writing itself," Phoebe, ever the rocket scientist, observes, "as if it were unfolding right now." The Manor Morons bang their heads together and quickly realize that it is, indeed, Raige and Kerr featured in the illustration, and Phoebe and Piper lean in to take turns reading the following aloud: "'Riding in [Alfalfa's] car, Lana and The Fed had no idea they were being driven straight into a trap.'" "He's setting them up!" the Dolt gasps. "Whaddya expect?" Phoebe smirks. "It's called Crossed, Double-Crossed." Phoebe snatches the book from the Dolt's hands and slings it down on the table, grabbing a pen as she goes. "What are you doing?" Piper wonders. "I am trying my hand at being a novelist!" Phoebe brays, which is her way of saying she's attempting to "write in a little twist to help [Raige] out." "Then suddenly they got a flat tire," she narrates as she scrawls the sentence in question beneath the existing text. Phoebe's childish handwriting flares red and condenses into printed text just as the sound of an exploding whitewall hits the soundtrack, and we're...