Episode Report Card Erin: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Ding-Dong, The Moronen's Dead!
By Erin | Season 3 | Episode 22 | Aired on 05.22.2004
As soon as Moronen exits the room, Marshall struggles up and hits a hidden button beneath his desk. An alarm goes off. And, no, before you can ask, it's not a SILENT alarm. It's a big, honking, decibel-creaking SCREECHER of an alarm. Yeah. Because that's not gonna tip her off or anything. Moronen just tells Sark to activate the countermeasures. "Head down, love," says Sark in response, hitting a button on a device. A bomb goes off four feet away from Moronen as she just keeps walking. Vaughn sees her. "Sydney!" he shouts. Moronen ignores him and continues on her way. "Call on line one, Mr. Vaughn," snarks Sark. Hee. Another bomb goes off. And another. And another. Vaughn chases after Moronen. More bombs. Weiss finds Marshall. Jack runs up, and somehow, Weiss knows where the bombing remote is located. Stunningly, it's the exact location where Sark is right at this moment. Can you believe it? But of course, Jack probably already knew that. Because he's eeeeevil, don't ya know?
He's playing the good guy at the moment, though, and he informs someone via cell phone that they have a location on one of the intruders. And Moronen's running right toward him, actually. With Vaughn following closely behind. Before he can catch up, however, Moronen leaps out from the shadows and smacks him with a crowbar or something. The camera pans down, the crowbar is tossed onto his chest, the camera pans back up, and we see Moronen removing her Sydney mask, just like when Drew Barrymore removed her LL Cool J mask in the first Charlie's Angels. Despite the dumbass masks, it's a nice camera move, even though we totally know that Jennifer Garner did the initial hit, threw the crowbar, leapt out of the way, and Melissa George stepped in to complete the scene. And yes, Ken Olin is our director boyfriend. He really is. So, Moronen runs off just as Sark is caught by all sorts of CIA cars. God. This guy honestly gets caught all the time. Maybe he really liked his crib as a baby or something, because he sure as hell loves being behind bars.
I have to apologize here, because I lost about two minutes of the show. The two minutes right before commercial, to be exact. Goddamn Chicago tornadoes. And the tornadoes weren't even IN Chicago! They were in, like, fucking WAUKEGAN or something. SO WHAT? SHOW THE FINALE! Who cares about the weather when you have a finale to recap? All I know is, Moronen slammed out of some doors after braining Vaughn with the crowbar and -- special report. That's it. Special fucking report. For what? Some RAIN, people. And some flooding. What is this, biblical times? Do I have to get two of every mutt in the neighborhood and look for high land? Because if I don't, then PLAY THE FUCKING FINALE.
So, yeah, I missed the final Alias dance. That just seems…wrong. When the report ended, we were already into commercials. After the commercials, Syd had already been taken to custody and was engaging in a face-to-face with Cotter Smith, Mel Harris's husband. You remember her from thirtysomething, don't you? That's what I thought. Way to keep your old friend's husband in dollars, Ken Olin. So, I'm assuming what I missed during the special report was that Moronen got away and Syd was taken into custody. And that's it. If it's anything more extensive than that, I'm sure one (or one hundred) of you will let me know.