Episode Report Card Erin: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Ding-Dong, The Moronen's Dead!
By Erin | Season 3 | Episode 22 | Aired on 05.22.2004
And again, back with Syd. She wisely offers up Moronen's name as a suspect, saying she's Covenant and would have access to all the codes and entrances of Oops Center. Cotter just gets up and gets some water. He wants to talk about Nadia. He's all, so this Rambaldi shit? It was implanted in your sister's subconscious? Syd's all, nah, not really. I can't really explain it, because it's so far out of the realm of reality as to be living in a colony on LV-246 along with a bunch of acid-blooded aliens, but basically, she's inherited Rambaldi's DNA. Or something. My sister's innocent, dude. Trust me on this. And, listen, you got any scotch back there? I am suddenly THIRSTY. Cotter's all, dude? Rambaldi refers to you as The Chosen One, your sister's The Passenger and she has Rambaldi DNA inside her, and you expect me to believe that neither of you knows what in the hell is going on around here? Syd's all, I don't care what you believe or don't believe, Cotter, this is a waste of my time.
This scene continues on far too long as Cotter brings up Nadia being held by the Covenant and suggesting that, at that time, she could have been turned or something and got her to work for them, so, you know, when Syd was just hanging out at her cool pad by the ocean and li'l sis called to say she was hungry, Syd would come running, Moronen would know where she was, and Oops Center would be compromised. Yeah. Because that's about as realistic as the M:I masks. And Sydney totally agrees with me. She's basically like, dude? Go play in traffic or something. You are totally barking up the wrong tree. Hell, you're barking up the wrong yard, the wrong subdivision, the wrong damn DISTRICT. Now, if you wanna arrest me, you're gonna have to hold me under the Patriot Act. Cotter just looks at her. Syd's expression is all, no? No Patriot Act, then? Right. That's what I thought. Go back to your thirtysomething wife and your thirtysomething friends and tell Elliot I say, "Hi." "We're through talking," she says, walking toward the exit. Cotter's all, yeah, uh, my report will be on Dixon's desk ASAP and until then, you're reassigned as a desk operative. Syd doesn't even dignify this with a response. She has her hand on the door when Cotter spits out, "You may go." Syd kind of just turns her head slightly to the left as if to say, "Dude? I'm already going. In case you hadn't notice. Way to announce the tiny and ineffectual size of your dick." She leaves.
Back with the Torture Twins, Vaughn's still doing that thing to Sark's arm that's supposed to make him have difficulty breathing or something. I really think he's just pretty much pulling that baby out of its socket at the moment. "I'm not going to kill you," says Vaughn. "That would be too easy. But I'll leave you so disfigured that when you walk down the street, people will pity you." I'm sorry. I didn't realize that at some point during this scene, Buttercup's beloved Westley (a.k.a. "The Dread Pirate Roberts") had replaced Vaughn as Sark's torturer. What's next? What, are we gonna see Syd slamming into Jack's office and going, "My name is Inigo Sydtoya! You killed my mother! Prepare to die!"? Because that? Would rule. Oh, shut up. You do so think Irina's dead and Jack killed her. You do. Stop living in denial.