Episode Report Card Erin: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Ding-Dong, The Moronen's Dead!
By Erin | Season 3 | Episode 22 | Aired on 05.22.2004
Wittenburg. Syd's in an elevator with some guy, and she's wearing a really hot red wig and some glasses. She gets out of the elevator and is escorted to a safety deposit box room by some old guy. He shows her to her box, and Syd passes by box number 1062. Old Guy leaves, and Syd immediately gets out her ACME Safety Deposit Box Crack Kit. She pulls out a Home Depot Safety Deposit Box Lock-Freezing Mister and sprays it into the locks of 1062, freezing them or something. She easily tweaks the locks off and pulls the box out. Inside is a specially locked folder of some sort. Syd pulls out the handy Menard's Locked Folder Deciphering Wand and easily unlocks the folder. Inside is a top-secret folder. Inside that top-secret folder is another folder. And inside that folder is a black document with the CIA seal on it. Good god. This is like those damn Russian nesting dolls. Soon Syd will just get down to a single piece of paper that'll say "get more shoes" or something.
Syd pulls out the inner document and then grabs her pocket black document reader and goes to town. First thing we see: TOP SECRET. Second thing: PROJECT SAB47. Third thing: INITIATED 17 APRIL 1975. That's Sydney's birth date, in case you didn't now. Fourth thing: PROJECT: ACTIVE. Fifth thing: SENIOR PROJECT MANAGER: JACK BRISTOW. Get it? Syd's actually a top secret CIA project, and her dad's been in charge of this "project" since the beginning. Syd suddenly realizes that her father, once again, is not who she thought he was. She starts getting emotional as she goes through the rest of the document, none of which we see. Which, of course, means that the writers can come up with a whole slew of sick shit for which Jack can be responsible next year. Nice.
A shadow appears in the doorway, watching Syd as she blinks back tears. As she reaches the end of the document, her emotions get the better of her and she starts crying in earnest. "Sydney," says Jack from his post at the door. She looks up. "You were never supposed to have found this," he grits. She stares. He stares. She stares. And…scene.
Wendy Kroy: What just…what?
Regina: Jack's a bad man.
Wendy Kroy: Remember last year? When we had two finales in a row? And they both RULED?
Regina: I remember.
Wendy Kroy: I miss that.
Regina: I miss that too.
Wendy Kroy: Hold me.
Regina: Hold yourself.
Wendy Kroy: [enraged silence]