Episode Report Card Erin: B- | 107 USERS: C+ YOU GRADE IT Welcome to the Apple Store. Would you like a gun with your iPod?
By Erin | Season 4 | Episode 1 | Aired on 2005.01.05
Back and forth, you're a danger to the department, flotsam and jetsam, at least I get the job done, yin and yang, at the risk of endangering everyone around you, Mutt and Jeff, like I give a shit, coffee and cream, that's a nice attitude, Dick and Tracy, you ain't seen nothin' yet, peanut butter and jelly, how 'bout I stick your ass in a cozy little desk in a corner of the CIA no one's ever even SEEN before, big and tall, are you DEMOTING me, black and blue, you bet yer ass I am, diamonds and pearls, I don't know what you have against me but I'm not gonna sit here and defend my record, bedknobs and broomsticks, I don't really give a shit what you do because I resent you and everything you stand for and I'd surely appreciate it if you'd get your killer booty down to the mailroom and get me a vanilla latte while you're at it, beeyotch. Sydney stands up and stares down Angie. "If this is your decision, [Angie]," she says coldly, "I will no longer burden the CIA with the hazard of my participation." "Are you opting to terminate your association with the CIA?" says Angie. "I will say it in English for you," snits Syd. "I quit." She glares at Angie, glares at Doof, and then stalks off.
We switch to an establishing night shot of Washington, D.C. Faster than you can say, "Where's the hotness?" we switch to Vaughn, angrily hitting the shit out of a punching bag and pretending it's his dead ex-wife's face. And yes, he looks good. Even when he's angry. ["He could stand to eat a sandwich, though. He's a little on the Adam's-apple-y side." -- Sars] Agent Sean enters and is all, dude? Bag's dead! Give it up! Vaughn stops and turns to his buddy. "Thanks for coming," he sweats. "Thanks for sweating," quips Agent Sean. Hee. Back in the locker room, Vaughn and Sean soap each other up and -- no! That's a TOTALLY different television show. Excuse me. Vaughn's just toweling off and Sean asks how he's doing. "I think a full month of psych evaluation is enough," exposits Vaughn, giving us the amount of time that's supposed to have passed since the end of last season, and also an indication of just what role Vaughn might be playing this season. Ladies and gentlemen, say hello to Agent Exposition.
Agent Sean goes on to wonder out loud whether or not a month of psych eval is enough for someone as craaaaaazy as Vaughn. It would appear that shortly after shooting his wife, Vaughn went and burned their house down. "It wasn't a happy home," grits Vaughn. "Yeah but…fire," returns Sean. "Yeah, well," says Agent Exposition, "you bury your dead girlfriend, then dumbly marry the first blonde bimbo to cross your path, then discover your dead girlfriend's really alive, listen in as your double agent wife makes it with a hot British guy, chase after some dude and his daughter and yet another stupid Rambaldi device, get advice on how to kill your duplicitous wife from your ex-dead-girlfriend's seriously crazy father, make out with your ex-dead-girlfriend, then cross the globe in fifteen minutes flat, courtesy of a wrinkle in time, save your true love's life, then kill your wife after learning she's a vicious homicidal double agent, and see how rational you are." "Yeah but…exposition," says Sean. See? These expository scenes aren't clunky AT ALL.