Episode Report Card Erin: B- | 107 USERS: C+ YOU GRADE IT Welcome to the Apple Store. Would you like a gun with your iPod?
By Erin | Season 4 | Episode 1 | Aired on 2005.01.05
So, whatever, Syd and Vaughn are going at it. And as much as I may be annoyed by yet another example of what the writers (or producers or ABC for that matter) may refer to as "Fuck It, Let's Do It Anyway Because No One Will Notice" syndrome, I'm totally behind the notion of getting the Spy Sex up front and out of the way. Because if we'd had to wait another half a season to get these two into the sack, I would have called Sars and handed over the recapping duties to somebody who still gave a shit. Okay. Spy Sex and more Spy Sex. Then, suddenly, Vaughn sort of…stops. Right there. In mid-sex. What happened? Was it the jet lag? Was it the U2 song? Bono has brought many a man to his impotent knees, my friends. It's a well-known fact. So, coitus interruptus, and Vaughn rolls off Syd. They kind of look fondly at each other and Syd strokes his face. Vaughn kind of wryly smiles at her and looks away. They both kind of stare off into the distance and…scene. No, I'm not kidding.
When we come back from break, we get an overhead shot of Hell-Lay, as a voice-over from Vaughn says, "Syd, before we left, Jack came to me with a message for you." Notice how this line is not delivered onscreen, y'all. I'm just sayin'. Also? What kind of guy interrupts hot Spy Sex to talk about your dad? That's just…that's wrong, people. It's wrong. Vaughn continues, saying that Jack wanted to remind Syd that in Belarus, they weren't going to have a tactical team. Again, that line, delivered in the past tense, takes place off-screen. All I'm sayin' is, if they had originally wanted this scene to occur before Belarus and then changed their minds, they totally could have. Okay. I'll stop obsessing now.
Vaughn sits up on his elbow and asks Syd why Jack is delivering messages through Vaughn. He goes on to say that, when he was in D.C., he knew that Syd went to Wittenberg and that Jack was there. Syd kind of breathes deeply and looks uncomfortable. "What happened in Wittenberg?" he asks, allowing us to take a trip through time back to Wittenberg. Want to know what happened? Follow the link, children. Trust me. There's nothing different. Oh, except we don't see that whole "Sydney was born to be a spy, no really, NO REALLY, in as much as we HAD HER so we could TURN HER INTO A SPY and make sure she BROUGHT THE PROPHECY TO LIFE" thing that we pretty much saw on one of the black pages and that ABC actually was stupid enough to post on their website. Back in the present day, Vaughn asks if Syd wants to tell him what happened in Wittenberg. No, actually, she doesn't. And that's the end of that. Or, you know, it's the end of that until Syd tells him all about it later on in the episode.