Episode Report Card Erin: B- | 107 USERS: C+ YOU GRADE IT Welcome to the Apple Store. Would you like a gun with your iPod?
By Erin | Season 4 | Episode 1 | Aired on 2005.01.05
Conference Room of Endless Exposition. Sloane's talking about Rick Yune and how he works for Roman Vadik, a bad dude who's number twenty-six on the CIA's most wanted list. He's responsible for all sorts of bad shit, some of which Sloane rattles off, but which I can't be arsed to Google. Vadik's planning a major terrorist attack within the next six months and it's the Apple Store's job to take him out of commission. Syd wants to know what their move is, and Sloane responds that a foreign agent managed to get very close to Vadik's operations last year, so Syd's job is to head out and debrief the agent. He dismisses everyone else and tells Syd they'll continue their conversation in the Office of Inappropriate Touching.
We get a kind of odd shot of Jack entering his own office and sitting down at his desk as Sloane, off in his own office in the distance, fills Sydney in on her assignment. Jack looks over at Sloane and Sydney just as Sloane informs her that the agent she's supposed to debrief was with Argentine intelligence. "Your daughter?" Syd asks. "Your sister," volleys Sloane. Heh. He's a bastard. Syd asks why Sloane doesn't just debrief his daughter himself. Sloane then launches into yet another ludicrous expository speech about how he and Nadia went off in search of that Rambaldi "sphere of life" or whatever and how they found it and…promptly handed it over to the U.S. government. Yeah. And if you buy that, I've got a lovely little bit of property for sale known as CHINA. I'll give it to you cheap. Hell, I'll even throw in a bottle of OxyClean.
So, whatever, Sloane and Nadia are the "good guys." Right. Syd rightly surmises that handing over the Rambaldi artifact bought Sloane his position as head of the Apple Store. Sloane sort of ignores the comment and just says that Nadia felt a lot of pain while she was working for the Argentine government and she opted not to join him at the Apple Store. "You sure she really left?" asks Syd. "Fake quitting seems to be all the rage." Hee. I like the new Snarky Syd. She's fun. "She's ooouuut," Sloane snarls hilariously. "She's back in Argentina. She wants nothing to do with me, or this life." He takes a sip from his own personal supply of Rambaldi Life Juice and eyes her. "You're awfully glib, Sydney." "Nadia left you on bad terms," she smirks. "I suppose I have something to learn," slimes Sloane, moving toward her, "about being a father." Oh, ew. EW. I'd say you DO have something to learn about being a father, Sloane. Especially since your idea of "being a father" involves jacking your kid full of Green Goo™ and channeling ancient beings through her soul.