Episode Report Card Erin: B- | 107 USERS: C+ YOU GRADE IT Welcome to the Apple Store. Would you like a gun with your iPod?
By Erin | Season 4 | Episode 1 | Aired on 2005.01.05
And now is the time on Alias when we -- heeeeey. It's not the same old theme song. It's more…disco-y. And there are forty-seven shots of Syd in disguise playing during it. Huh. I'm not sure I can do the Alias dance to this song yet. I'll have to hear it a few more times before I can fully commit. Good thing there are twenty-one more weeks in which to perfect my moves.
When the counter hits "0:24" on my TiVo, we're back from the break and Sloane's getting ready to address his new (and oddly complacent) troops in the Apple Store's kickback room. Syd walks in and just stares at Sloane, who's working a black turtleneck like nobody's business. Seriously. Not every man can pull that off. But Rifkin and Garber both seem to be able to do it. Sloane says that he was just about to tell the heartwarming story of how he was approached by the CIA. He indicates that perhaps Syd might want to take a seat. Syd slides her eyes over to the rest of the crew, then saunters over. In a nice moment, Vaughn slides over next to Dixon in order to make room for Syd, and Syd just…parks it on the sofa arm all, "Yeah, not so fast, buddy. My ass isn't ready to be so close to yours…yet."
And here's where Ron Rifkin proves what a wonderful actor he is, no matter how assy the material he's asked to slog through. Sloane makes the most hilarious speech explaining how he wound up running the Apple Store on Michigan Avenue. The speech consists of words such as "red tape" and "bureaucratic chain of command" and "governed" and "covert unit." It's truly hysterical. And Ron Rifkin makes it sound not only plausible, but honest and true. It's a miracle. The members of the Apple Store apparently are not accountable to anyone but themselves. How convenient.
Syd's all, yeah, we got that part about accountability. What we didn't get was that whole part about how a scum-sucking lawn gnome such as yourself managed to nab the position of Head Demon In Charge of iPod Battery Complaints. Sloane just says that the CIA wants their own version of an SD-6 so, of course, they thought of him the second this idea came into play. Because, if you're gonna run an ungoverned black ops division with no accountability, you call someone who knows their shit. And that someone is Sloane. Arvin Sloane. Chief Operating Officer of Doom. Sloane concludes his little welcome speech by saying that the CIA doesn't want to know how they get their work done, just that it gets done. Period.