Episode Report Card Erin: B- | 107 USERS: C+ YOU GRADE IT Welcome to the Apple Store. Would you like a gun with your iPod?
By Erin | Season 4 | Episode 1 | Aired on 2005.01.05
Suffice it to say, Sydney somehow charms her way into getting Nerdy Guy to open up his super-secret case, which is obviously what she's there to do in the first place. Inside is a computer keyboard and a flat piece of metal with three lights on it. What is it? Does it matter? You're going to find out later anyway. Nerdy Guy just states that this thing can be used for good or for evil and Syd flits that it's pretty much the same thing with her. Wink wink. Nudge nudge. Say no more. Syd then manages to get him to open some interior panel and Nerdy Guy says it's an unstable isotope or something. It's only five minutes in and I already don't care about whatever mission this is. What I do care about is how kick-ass my TiVo is and how wicked cool it is recapping with it. The combo of TiVo plus my spanky new laptop is almost orgasmic, people. At least, they're turning me on in a way this entire episode…didn't.
Once Nerdy Guy shows Syd the isotope, she kind of looks off to the side and tucks her wig behind her ear. Nerdy Guy sees this and asks if anything's wrong. Oh, there's something wrong, but we won't find out what it is until later because it's really the future and the rest of the episode takes place in the past and stop me if you've heard this one before. Syd removes Nerdy Guy's glasses and then slams him in the face with the heel of her hand. She grabs the isotope, changes into something more fight-enabling, and runs out of the cabin. Some guy turns a corner at the end of the hall and yells at her to stop. Syd keeps running, finally making it to the baggage car. Baddie with the gun makes it there just seconds behind her, but Syd's nowhere to be found. That is, until she drops down behind him and a fight ensues. This is my favorite part of recapping this show -- the fight sequences. Because all I have to do is go, "And then they fight," and I'm done. Sure, I could go into detail, and I often do, especially when something interesting happens, but this is a two-hour season opener and, really, there are, like, seven more of these peppered throughout the damn episode, so why bother?
And then they fight.
Kick kick. Slam slam. Use the baggage as a weapon. Hit over head. Roundhouse kick. Oops! Accidentally opened the side door. More kicking. Ha! The gun's overboard (or overtrain or whatever). Backflip kick to the chin. Jennifer Garner obviously learned quite a bit while filming Elektra. Hit hit. Kick kick. "Ahh! Ahh!" goes the closed captioning. D'oh! Syd goes out the door. She manages to grab one of the baggage container nets and is hanging on for dear life. If by "dear life" you mean "she's the star of the show so if you think someone's not going to save her ass when they flash back to this part in about thirty minutes, you're sorely mistaken." Baddie spends an inordinate amount of time cutting the container net strap by strap, and Jennifer Garner pretends to look terrified that she's going to die. And, just as Baddie's about to cut the last strap…we cut to a title card that reads, "72 HOURS EARLIER." When I watched this the first time, as Sydney was hanging from the net, I actually said, out loud, "If they cut to any time earlier, I'm gonna be pissed -- OH, NO, THEY DIDN'T!" But they did. And if they haven't learned by now that that is an extremely tired plot device, then we don't have a lot of hope for the upcoming season.