Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | 3 USERS: A YOU GRADE IT My Brain On Thief
By Jacob Clifton | Season 4 | Episode 14 | Aired on 02.17.2013
Florrick & Agos: "Thief Drink is a drink for a thief. It has all the caffeine of twelve cups of coffee, and all the guarana of twelve cups of whatever that is. Do you guys like energy drinks? If so, you are probably dead. And if that is the case, you have been murdered. Now, our opponents are going to tell you that you have free will and can choose what to put in your body. But we all know that's not true. Check out this ad that is clearly from the '90s."
"This is your brain on reality! [Nothing cool happening. People just calmly balancin' their checkbooks, scratchin' their foot, jottin' down a reminder for later to get some more interesting and exciting beverages for the fridge.] This is your brain on Thief! [A bitchin' guitar solo and a dubstep remix of somebody having sex during an explosion while surfing air currents in a wingsuit and Skyping with their best friend, The Ultimate Warrior.]"
Florrick & Agos: "That's probably pretty accurate, really. It probably was a lot like that, when this beautiful sixteen-year-old girl died from a massive seizure related to caffeine toxicity."
L/G: "Why do they have cute pictures of that little girl our client killed?"
Anyone: "Facebook. It's always Facebook."
Alicia: "I know the opposition. He fingerbanged me out of wedlock, in fact, in a standing position. And he is first going to blame the victim, and then he's going to blame her grandparents. How can he blame both? Ask yourself that. Ask yourself that, when he does, instead of being fooled by his bullshit, like stupid juries like you always are."
Jurors: (Already think Will is pretty sketchy, but really they have NO idea.)
Alicia: "You wouldn't let a crime victim be blamed, and Bella is kind of that. The only difference here is the assailant, the Thief if you will, is a beverage instead of a criminal. The theft was of youth, and promise, and beauty. Bella was taken, thieved, burgled, from us too soon. The people who forced her to buy and drink Thief are murderers, and they are coming after your children next. They told me so."
L/G
David Lee: "Alicia, we need to talk. We have a problem."
Alicia: "Or do we have an opportunity?"
David Lee: "That was pretty sassy. Is this you feeling your equity-partner oats, or..."
Alicia: "This is my brain on Thief. What do you want?"