Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | 3 USERS: A YOU GRADE IT My Brain On Thief
By Jacob Clifton | Season 4 | Episode 14 | Aired on 02.17.2013
Alicia: "Remember how the whole partner thing was a total dick move to begin with?"
Cary: "Yeah, you took it really hard after you figured that out, about a year after everybody else figured it out."
Alicia: "Have you ever seen the movie Norma Rae?"
Cary: "No, but I get the reference. I'll call all the fourth-years together for a wine-and-cheese uprising at your house. You realize that Will and Diane are going to shit a brick, right?"
Alicia: "I do. I do, Cary, and I absolutely love it. This is my brain on Enough Already."
GOLD & ASSOC
Jordan, verbatim: "Eli? There's a weird lady here to see you?"
Elsbeth: "You are freakin' adorable. Why aren't you on this show more?"
Jordan: "Right back atcha, weird lady."
So the paperwork on the wiretap checks out, as do the underlying notes given the judge that signed off. However, part of the prep seems to be forged: You need three "dirty" calls on an existing wiretap to start a new one, and the phone records only show two. Like, they actually just changed it, like with Wite-Out or something. This is the kind of egregious shit that probably happens all the time in real life, but rarely on TV. And even on TV, usually it's to Alicia Florrick, so she can be like, "Argh! I keep thinking people are generally okay!"
Eli: "Elsbeth, you... Always bring cheer to my office."
Elsbeth: "Oh! That's sweet. But not as sweet as when I show this to Muad'Dib. His jaw's gonna pop right open, I bet."
MOCK TRIAL
Actor Lady: "I'm sorry, I... I miss her so much! She's my only one! My... My heart is missing a piece of itself. I cry into the night, Where are you, my Bella? Oh Lord, why? WHY IS SHE GONE FROM MY ARMS?"
Cary: "Uh huh, two questions. Number one, you were one that found her body? And a quick follow-up, could you possibly take it down like a hundred notches?"
Actor Lady: "It was me! I held her close to me, so close, and she felt cold. Cold as the GRAVE. Cold as the NIGHT! Please, baby, please don't go. Please, Lord, don't take her!"
Cary: "Hey, um..."
Actor Lady: "OH! Sweet Heavenly Father! AAAAIEEE!"
The lady just slides down from the witness stand onto the floor and slithers around on her back until she is writhing in front of the jury box, soaked to the skin in her own amazing tears. She beats upon the floor, upon her breast; she tears at her clothing and her own wig. Pearls snap and skitter in all directions. Eyes bug out. Living theatrically in everyday life. She picks up one chair by the legs from a supine position, bashing it again and again against the bench in the ceaseless rhythms of mindless grief. Bella, looking down from Energy Heaven Lovely Bones-style, is totally annoyed. "My grandmother really is like this, you guys." All the other teen angels are like, "Ugh."