Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | 3 USERS: A YOU GRADE IT My Brain On Thief
By Jacob Clifton | Season 4 | Episode 14 | Aired on 02.17.2013
PERROTTI OFC
Elsbeth: "Do you have a second, sir? I want to ask you something."
Muad'Dib: "First of all, would you like a biscotti?"
Elsbeth: "Who doesn't love a biscotti? Thanks!"
Muad'Dib: "What brings you to the House of Atreides?"
Elsbeth: "Well, your paperwork is full of lies."
Muad'Dib: "Can I see that?"
The second he gets it in his hands, he rips it into a million pieces and looks at her like he just did something awesome. Which, in a way.
Elsbeth: "I mean, first of all, when I said I could outweird you I maybe overstated. And second of all, you realize those are only copies?"
Muad'Dib: "Could you bring me all of the other copies you have? So I can destroy them."
Elsbeth: "I am... I mean I just had a Psych eval. What the fuck is going on."
Muad'Dib: "Do you have the originals? Because I can just change those right here if you want. Then you won't have anything."
Elsbeth: "Generally I'm used to being the craziest person in the room. I am... wrongfooted. You're misusing your power."
Muad'Dib: "No such thing. Divine Right of DOJ. I said it, so now it's true or else I wouldn't have said it. Do you want to go on a date?"
Elsbeth: "No. Maybe. I mean, no! You're terrible."
Muad'Dib: "Or am I awesome?"
MOCK TRIAL
Alicia: "Wildcard, bitches! I call Thief's Marketing VP to the stand."
Diane: "This wasn't on their list, Your Honor."
Alicia: "Hostile witness. He's here anyway, right? Given that this whole thing is something he's watching from behind that two-way mirror?"
Marketing: "I'm here. Hang on. Ugh, this is gonna suck."
Alicia: "Mr. Marketing, what is this a picture of?"
Marketing: "A can of Thief Light."
Alicia: "Light as in no calories?"
Marketing: "No carbs, no sugar."
Alicia: "It's a diet drink?"
Marketing: "No. A low-cal energy supplement."
Alicia shows him a pro-ana website called Gorgeously Thin, which gets her to the point of explaining what a pro-ana website is, which is a thing you're better off not knowing. Anyway, one of Thief's "cybershills," a fake poster named GirlInJeans45, posted 135 times on this thinspo site about how much weight she was losing by drinking Thief Light.
Marketing: "At best she's a freelancer. I don't control her, just because she's doing exactly what I pay her to do."