Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Fashion Roadkill!
By Jacob Clifton | Season 3 | Episode 3 | Aired on 10.09.2008
Betty wigs because Claire had both motive and opportunity, is jail-hardened and menopausal, and Amanda points out: "Not to mention she totally murdered my mom. Kind of." You were right the first time. And then to put the icing on this delicious scene, we act out on all three of them, suddenly staring up at the Wilhelmina doll for no reason.
Claire -- wearing nude lipstick and looking like she was just in a hurricane -- explains to the three of them that she would never let her kids take the fall for something she did, because the two things they tell you in prison are "do your own time" and "don't trust the po-po." She nods at Amanda and Marc, and thinks back to last night. She and Wili were "exchanging [their] usual pleasantries," which was, if you recall, a redux of that classic "Don't you threaten my family, trick"/"My baby is your family, ho" thing they do. My favorite thing is when people take off their earrings as a declaration of ass-whupping, and I've been getting that need met on the regular the last week. I really wanna see Claire take those bitches off and scare the crap out of Wilhelmina sometime soon.
Claire admits that she had a drink to dull the pain (like we all have to do every night alone, am I right ladies?), which Betty admits was a bad call due to Claire's total alcoholism, but not murderous. Claire explains that -- as Amanda nods in complete understanding -- she can't just have one drink. She flashes back to appalling some models by working blue -- "Wilhelmina Slutter! Get it?" -- and then her face became a cold mask of hatred and death when she saw poor dumbshit Christina, and attacked just as Marc's jaw was dropping in the elevator, out of the front of which he'd just shoved her. Claire, being fall-down drunk, fell down on the pregnant woman, who carried her to the ladies', where Alexis was just like hanging out staring at Cherokee Bat and Witch Baby in the mirror and looking like she was pregnant with an entire country, and Alexis thanked Christina and sent her on her way.
Jump to Alexis, who's all about apologizing for her drunkard mother and explaining she had her own shit going on. She puts the girls right in their places and waves a finger around kind of boredly, and tells them that her whole life is about looking poised and maintaining the illusion she was born female, so when she forgets her estrogen and, say, a giant random facial hair makes an appearance, it can make you want to push a boring Scottish moron down some stairs sometimes. She says she didn't even notice Christina, because she was so intent on caring for her mother and not getting old lady barf on her new Donna Karan. Marc's all, "Girl, I hear you because I am a homosexual."