Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Fashion Roadkill!
By Jacob Clifton | Season 3 | Episode 3 | Aired on 10.09.2008
Wili gives a whole press conference about finding the person who threatened her unborn child -- whisper from Marc -- "...And others..." She offers a hundred K for info and squeezes out part of a tear.
Jump immediately to Wili, taking advantage, -- as any Big Business opportunist would -- of the Schiavo-rific opportunity that just fell in her lap, via stairwell. The more they talk about her creepy frozen-sperm zombie baby, the less they'll talk about the Angelina-in-a-block-of-ice failure that was Wili's inaugural (and only) issue. Besides, she explains, if somebody gives you chintz, you have two options: bitch about how it's actually upholstery fabric, brew up some nice cold chintzade, or make a fabulous bolero jacket. Okay, one of those was mine, but I'm not, as Marc puts, it a "diabolical fashion genius," as he reminds her that her baby -- "And others!" -- are in the hospital. Wili agrees: they have to stage many long nights at the hospital, fretting and worrying uselessly, so that nobody forgets the real victim here. Who is? Marc doesn't know, even as he's asking, but I bet you do: "Me."
The second the cops -- who BTW are not even that cute but then, like somewhere between Henry and Marc and Cliff and Coach Tony and Daniel Sr., they broke the Cute-Meter© on this show forever ago so who knows what "moderately cute" means, plus they're all authoritative -- enter, Amanda crawls over the desk toward them like Cristal Connors after some Doggy Chow, confessing to anything and everything. "You have to interrogate me for like hours and hours. And I do not break easy." She breaks character -- or whatever Black Snake Moan character she's attempting at this moment -- and confides, "I am totally easy." I feel like I still haven't gotten that quintessential Amanda scene this year, although this episode has a few contenders; because the cops don't know about how broken her Loony-Meter© can get, they think they're scared just from this. They don't know from scared -- she's at like a 3. Betty saves them from Amanda, who screams "BUT I'M GUILTY! WHERE ARE YOU GOING?" and then, brilliantly, hangs out on the desk long after they're gone, kicking her feet and being nuts on her own time. Meanwhile, Betty goes from usher to ushee as the cops take her in for questioning, closing the loop from the opening scene.
Now: Same thing. She equivocates for a bit about whether she knows where Daniel was, and then ... Tells the cops that he told her to lie about his whereabouts. The end. Without any stuttering or anything, just opens her stupid mouth and says it. I mean, really? I know it fits with the whole "Betty's faith in people: retarded or justified?" theme, but it seems like really lazy fucking writing to do it this way. Like for this scene she's just going to be stupid as shit, and then go back to being Betty in a sec. Kinda like last week, and the week before. Huh. The cops are like, "He told you to lie." She says, essentially, yes. And her ass is so shocked that the cops find this interesting that it's suddenly a whole new scene, and she's bitching at Ignacio about how the cops have some nerve thinking that Daniel is covering his tracks when all Betty did was tell them that. Bored of Betty's senseless and unending prattling, Justin points out that Mariska Hargitay is rocking some serious pantsuits of late. Thank you! I couldn't have segued from total retardedness any better than that, girlfriend.