Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Fashion Roadkill!
By Jacob Clifton | Season 3 | Episode 3 | Aired on 10.09.2008
Ignacio points out that if Daniel is innocent, which he obviously is, then Betty's being a moron, which she obviously is, and all three of them cosign, so of course the worry falls right off her shoulders and onto their linoleum, joining the ground-in dirt and grime of all the worries of before. Hilda comes in, covered in the ground-in dirt and grime of SIN, and Betty tosses some judgments her way, even though she totally shacked up with a baby daddy for like a hundred thousand silly-ass years. In which he took off his shirt approximately 2.4 times.
Hilda swears she's the same person, only now with extra whore, and plus how dare Betty judge her, because -- unlike every other married dude in the history of the universe -- Coach Tony's situation is "complicated," and anyway, can Hilda and Tony borrow Betty's apartment in the city? The better to ... have a conversation they shouldn't even be having? I'm sorry, but the conversation is just as obvious and short as it was all summer: "Still married? Then no." It's not that fucking hard to get a divorce. If he doesn't, guess what? He's just not that into you. Case closed. Stop hanging your self-worth on an emotional adolescent and get a real boyfriend, loser. Betty, who is back to being stupid, gives in, all, "Okay, you can use my apartment as a fuck nest ... Just as long as he's not cheating on his wife!"
Amanda begs the cops to handcuff her, worrying Betty on several levels, and she sprint-waddles around to Daniel's office to warn him about how she totally sold him out for no reason whatsoever. Daniel wigs out a tiny bit about why she would do that, because the answer -- no narrative or reason consistent with Betty Suarez the fictional character -- is still a mystery, and then the cops bust in and arrest him for owning horrible gold lame (and lamé) tennis shoes. To be fair, they are not the Fashion Police, but real live cops who have noted that the hand-molded one-of-a-kind soles of his hideous designer crap match the footprints in the dust around the recently discovered prone body of Christina and her womb.
Alexis and Claire spring Daniel, and Claire tells some alcoholic Sedaris story about how she explained to DJ that all Meades go to jail: first grandma, then Daniel. "Aunt Alexis may go to jail next!" Drunks never lie. Alexis offers the suggestion that Wili framed him, and everybody thinks about it; they shove Daniel in a limo with Betty and give a firm "no comment" to the press. I would not want to be in that limo. "You wanna act like your brain just got knocked around your skull like a hockey puck? I'll give you something to act like your brains just got knocked around about."