Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Fashion Roadkill!
By Jacob Clifton | Season 3 | Episode 3 | Aired on 10.09.2008
Why didn't anybody push the French kid down the stairs? I'll do it. Anyway, it's tomorrow, the day after the big bash, a bunch of mannequins and ice sculptures got slapped and smashed and roughed up, and the cops are interrogating Betty about where Daniel spent the evening after things got horrible(r) at the New Mode shindig. Betty Rashomons to six hours ago, when she was rushing around while Ignacio pretended they were having breakfast by bugging her on the phone. She is wearing a fit-inducing blue print granny dress in polyester with a big stupid neckerchief and a weird Kmart shirt-thing over it with a psychedelic print in red and white that looks like a headache feels.
Out in the hallway, she discovers her umbrella is gone, even though as she protests she is totally street-savvy from growing up in Queens and not naïve or gullible or overly trusting. Ignacio calls her dumb for leaving her umbrella in the stand outside her door, just like when she let some guys "borrow" her bike in the seventh grade. She protests that those guys totally said they'd bring it back, and puts a Betty shine on it, hoping she won't need it anyway.
Of course, it's raining. Amanda congratulates her on her improved look as she enters the Mode offices, and she ignores her, wishing "Daniels" a good morning. DJ says something irritating and French, pronounces himself "Audi Five K," and wanders away to annoy elsewhere. Betty is perky to an annoying degree, handing Daniel his schedule for his first day back, reminding him that almost all his mail is being forwarded to Alexis, and offering to take his shit to the dry cleaner since he's finally stopped wearing tracksuits. He tosses a dusty raincoat in her face and asks her, since he wasn't available to take Claire home last night, to tell anybody that asks that they were packing up the Player offices late into the night. Betty wonders if the simplest explanation wouldn't be to just tell the truth, and he stutters for awhile.
Marc hops up on Amanda's desk looking fly in a popped-collar polo and red neckerchief to announce that Wilhelmina is in the hospital. When everyone gasps, he clarifies that she's visiting her surrogate, at which point Betty -- basically alone -- gasps again. "Don't worry, the baby and Wilhelmina are fine," he assures them, and Betty asks about Christina. "You know... I didn't ask."
Bouquet-bearing Betty goes to visit Christina in the hospital, where she's lying with a bandage around her head and acting like she has a concussion even more fiercely than normal, because this time the concussion is all too real. She whispers that she was pushed down the stairs, and then we hop to Fashion Buzz, where Lloyd tells us all about the Baby Mama Drama, including a cute animated stick-figure of Christina bopping down the stairs. As though she'd ever been that thin, drinking the way she does. "Or was she pushed?!" he cries, over a hilarious pop-up video representation of the suspects. It starts with the Meades, of course -- "The Playboy," "The Tranny," and an angry jailhouse rockstar picture of Claire -- and quickly overwhelms the screen with pictures of every one of Wili's "frenemies" from, like, every episode: Gina Gershon's more-insane-even-than-reality lips, designers, that little gay guy that's everywhere, that rock musician with Amanda's tongue, the baseball player, Martha Stewart, Christian and my personal hero Nina Garcia, Betty White, Posh... Even the wife of Diego María de la Concepción Juan Nepomuceno Estanislao de la Rivera y Barrientos Acosta y Rodríguez is up in this bitch. Wili always did hate South American Communists most of all.