Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Fashion Roadkill!
By Jacob Clifton | Season 3 | Episode 3 | Aired on 10.09.2008
Damn. So Alexis is outlined in light, apparently with the windows open or on a porch or something, when Betty comes to see her. She resists for a while, until Betty rudely points out that no matter how many things she does to herself, she will always have the gigantic size 11 feet of a cold-blooded XY killer, and then twists the knife by pointing out that not only did she do something horrible, i.e. push a moron with the Omen inside her down some stairs, she framed her brother for it. She further clarifies that this means Alexis is a bad person, not a good person, according to Betty's Big Old Book Of Bullshit she got from Gio last year and never gave back.
Alexis explains that she was trying to reconcile with Wili that night, right after the Meades pulled triple-rank on her in front of everybody (dumb) and was wearing a babydoll top in order to hide her gigantor pregnancy (dumb) in no way whatsoever except to make her look like Betty Suarez after eating an entire circus tent, and Wili tells her to suck it, calling her "my freakishly tall girlfriend" -- which, why all the TS hate in this episode? -- and telling her it's only a matter of time before she fucks Alexis the hell over. She's just so fucking pregnant, I can't believe it. It's like she invented new ways to be huge. Anyway, she breaks a heel and finds a whisker and this is what turns her crazy. That age-old tale, coming true once again.
She hallucinates that Christina is Wili (hilariously, wearing her pregnancy gear and outfit) taunting her about ... something, I don't even get this part. Wilhelmina has a third of the company via her devil baby, and seems to feel like she has some power to exert over Alexis, with which Alexis agrees. Maybe I'm just forgetting what Wili has on her that would explain her complete lack of integrity or continuity. I'm willing to admit that is possible.
Shiny gold sneakers drop Claire on the chaise in the lounge, and shiny gold sneakers follow Christina into the stairwell, and all the shiny gold sneakers can think about is how much Wilhelmina has put their family through, and then Christina goes bouncing down the stairs. Alexis -- looking gorgeous, by the way, with big fluffy hair pulled back -- realizes she just totally got free of this show, called 911, and got the hell out of there. Alexis admits to Betty that it was unjustifiable and creepy and insane, and she feels terrible about letting Daniel take the fall for it, but it's not something she can undo. Betty says she needs to decide to tell Daniel herself, and confess and do her time and not trust the po-po.