Episode Report Card Erin: C | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Careless Memories
By Erin | Season 2 | Episode 3 | Aired on 10.12.2002
Now, for those of you not paying attention, like, EVER, Vaughn makes a quick little speech about all the wrongs that Irina's been responsible for in the past. Like betraying her country. Like killing Vaughn's daddy. Like making prison garb look sexy. Syd's all nodding and backing Vaughn up like, "Yeah! That's right! You tell him, honey!" Before Syd can start giving Vaughn high-fives, however, he starts talking about how Irina is a certified Rambaldi expert and probably knows more on the subject of global organized crime than any other person in U.S. custody. Syd just looks at him, her expression saying, "Oh, man. You done gone and NOT gotten my back, BITCH! What is UP wit dat? Why you gotta be so mean?"
By the way, does anyone know how I can become a certified Rambaldi expert? There's a school over on Fullerton that offers certification for massage therapy, but I haven't seen anything about Rambaldi expertise. And while we're on the subject, can a layman actually BE the most knowledgeable person on the subject of global organized crime? I mean, can you get a degree in that and put it to use in the corporate world? Or do you just have to maim and kill people and take over small countries? I mean, like, is it practical knowledge?
Ahem. Anyway, Virtuous Vaughn saves his ass by wrapping up his speech with a statement about how he and Syd were effectively countering SD-6 before Irina even showed up and he'll stand behind whatever decision Sydney makes. Way to ensure the future nookie sessions, Captain Non-Courageous. Syd slightly smiles at him as if to say, "Yeah. That's right. You're my bitch."
Kendall pipes up again to say something about how he appreciates that Syd's caught in the middle of "all this," but he can guarantee that as soon they find out what Irina knows, Syd will never have to speak to her mother again. That's officially Number Two, for those of you with pads of paper at the ready. Syd just looks at Kendall, her eyes burning with the fury of a woman who most CERTAINLY will NOT be talking to her MOTH-- oops, I mean IRINA DEREVKO.
Hey, it's Dr. Nancy! Where's Elliott and those two really annoying -- I mean, "adorable" kids? Did Hope and Michael finish their house yet? I mean, that was a project that lasted YEARS, wasn't it? What ever happened with Miles? What? What's that? Oh, you're not doing that show anymore? Oh. I thought it was still on. What's that you say? Ohhhh. I'm now actually "thirtysomething" so I no longer need to watch thirtysomething on TV? Wow. This explains so much…
So, Spy Daddy's paying an unexpected visit to his non-girlfriend, Dr. Nancy. She's all, we weren't scheduled 'til Wednesday, whassup? Spy Daddy wants to talk about Sydney. Thinking they're finally going to get to some juicy stuff, Dr. Nancy leans forward. Unfortunately, all Jack-O wants to do is devise a sneaky little plan that will persuade Sydney not to interact with her mother -- I mean, "Irina Derevko." Dr. Nancy's all, uh, why, dude? Jackie Boy's all, because Irina Derevko's a scary, manipulative sociopathic BITCH who broke my heart and who will use any opportunity to get what she wants from my daughter. Dr. Nancy's all, I totally agree with you, but could we go back to the part where you said something about your heart getting broken? Because we could get DEEP into that shit. Oh, and has it occurred to you that the more you keep your daughter away from her mommy, the more she's gonna want to see her? Spy Daddy's all, yeah! Of course that's occurred to me! What, do you think I'm STUPID? Why do you think I'm here? I mean, besides my whole undiscovered crush on you? You and me, well, we have to come up with a strategy that has the necessary subtlety.
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