Episode Report Card Erin: C | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Careless Memories
By Erin | Season 2 | Episode 3 | Aired on 10.12.2002
Uncle Arvin's House O' Fun. Sloane shuffles over to the bar and pours himself a stiff drink. He turns and gets this odd expression on his face. He walks over to the door that leads out into Emily's garden and opens it, exiting to the patio. He looks around and his face registers shock, disbelief, confusion and fear all at the same time. The camera pulls back, and -- dun dun DUN -- Auntie Em's garden is miraculously restored to its previous grandeur.
Cuckoo. Cuckoo.
Sri Lanka. The Land Of Duran Duran Videos And Political Instability. "Dark in the city, night is a wire...steam in the subway, earth is a fire...do-do do do, do do do, do do do, do do do, do do…" Ah, John Taylor, where have you gone? Sorry to say it, Viggo baby, but if John Taylor showed up at my door right this minute, middle-aged paunch and all, I'd toss your poetry-slinging ass right out the window without a second thought. What's that? Well, if you're willing to throw on a white linen suit, a white headband, and some white jazz shoes, yeah, I might reconsider dumping you for J.T. But you'd have to get yourself some frosted hair and a slight pompadour. Okay, sweetie. You go to it.
Hey, it's footage from Apollo 13, superimposed over footage from Southern California, that's supposed to pass for somewhere in Sri Lanka! Where's the hot chick painted like a tiger? Where's Simon and his facial scratches? Oh, I guess it doesn't matter. Julio? Mommy's boyfriend is shopping for circa-'80s outfits; can you get Mommy a big ol' pitcher of Mambo Kings? See? Mommy still needs you! No! Put your pants on! Viggo will be back as soon as the "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go!" store closes!
Dixon sits on a hillside and watches as Sark drives up in an SUV. He radios to Syd that Sark's inside and that she's a "go." He reminds her that the sooner she gets on the phone line, the more time he has to hack into the system. Syd pulls up to the building in a spicy red convertible, with a spicy red wig to match. I must say, there's not a hair color in the world that looks bad on Jennifer Garner, but this wig makes her look like Jessica Rabbit after a lengthy session with a drag queen's hairstylist.
Inside, Sark does the meet-and-greet with some heavily accented Russian dude. Russian Dude informs Sark that they're about to do the final system checks; Sark just stands there looking sexier than hell. According to the clock above the launch video screen, we have thirty minutes until launch.
At the same time, Jessica Rarebit enters the lobby of the building and does the meet-and-greet with her mark. Before they embark on their scheduled tour of the facilities, Rarebit wants to make a call on her cell phone. Unfortunately, cell phones aren't allowed inside the facility. Looks like Rarebit will have to use a land line, which, we all know, is what she wanted to do anyway. She makes her "call" and pretends to talk to either her lover or her child (the fact that it's difficult to discern which is extremely disturbing) while Dixon hacks into the system. Yeah, a "business" call probably would have made more sense but -- say it with me -- what-EVER.
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