Episode Report Card Erin: C | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Careless Memories
By Erin | Season 2 | Episode 3 | Aired on 10.12.2002
Speaking of caverns...Uncle Unbalanced is hanging out at his desk, minding his own business and plotting the destruction of the universe, when his phone rings. He picks up. The line is full of static and fuzzy voices. Inspector Insane hits the hang-up and asks whomever answers for a trace on the call he just received. Seconds later, the voice comes back and informs Monsieur Non Compos Mentis that the call came from the Baranca Bed & Breakfast in Sonoma County, California. Arvin "Nutsy" Sloane holds the phone in his hand and wonders whether or not it's about time he stopped taking all those crazy pills.
Back in Siberia, Dixon's requesting that all of the guards report in. They do. They're all alone out there. Or are they? Dix checks in with Syd. She informs him that she's flying solo on this one. Or is she? She's entering an ice cavern that resembles that remote ice cavern Superman visited with all those video-laden ice crystals. Remember? When Superman entered the ice cave and touched the plastic ice crystals and they moved and he was treated to movies starring Marlon Brando? Or was that just me on a mushroom-induced hallucination, thinking my Tupperware housed rare Brando footage?
Well, Superman's nowhere in sight and Syd's still sporting the ridiculous fur hood and the plaster of Paris facial snow, so perhaps it was just the 'shrooms. Syd finally comes upon the music box, just sitting in the middle of an ice bureau, untouched by the elements. Syd informs Dix that the ice in the tunnel's a little shaky, so she's going radio silent until she passes through. Yeah, it doesn't make sense to me either, but Dix buys it, so who the hell cares?
As Syd's preparing to futz with the music box, Irina's in her cell, performing a series of non-yogic push-ups. Lena Olin? Who's your trainer, girl? Because you have arms that I would KILL for! Irina hears the gates open to her cell. She turns and sees Jack standing in front of the glass. She breaks her exercise routine and gets up to greet him.
"Hey. How are ya? How's things been since I disappeared in my false death? Did you water the plants? Are you eating well? What'd you do with my TV Guide subscription? What's happening on Knots Landing?" Irina says, whipping up a batch of martinis. "Oh, I'm good," says Jack, lighting a cigarette. "I've developed a taste for grain alcohol and a deep-seated sense of morality, but I did manage to water the plants and the ferns are in GREAT shape! I order in, mostly, but the food from Spoon Thai is really fresh and exciting. Sorry to say, I let the TV Guide subscription lapse; you were always more into the shows than I was. And I hate to be the one to tell you this, but Knots Landing? Gone, baby. Gone." Irina just laughs and pours Jack a drink and they spend the next couple of hours chatting about the years they've missed.
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