Episode Report Card Erin: C | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Careless Memories
By Erin | Season 2 | Episode 3 | Aired on 10.12.2002
Conference Room Of Endless Exposition. Uncle Bonkers is congratulating Syd and Dix on a job well done. Thanks to their efforts, SD-6 now knows that Sark's looking at a twenty-square-mile area of Siberia. Uncle Batshit turns the floor over to Inspector Dingus for a sillier explanation than he himself can provide. Dingus is aware that it appears they're looking at twenty-square-miles of frozen "tundrosity," but they should take a look at it through the terahertz imaging camera. He taps a few keys, and what shows up is an aerial view of the infamous Rambaldi "eye" symbol. Dingus tells them that the satellite is looking at sub-glacial caverns. So, like, there are sub-glacial caverns in the form of the Rambaldi "eye" symbol? Weird. I mean, that is WEIRD. Mulder? What do you think about that? "Weird," says Mulder, paging through the Victoria's Secret catalog. "Definitely weird." Dix asks if the definitely weird Rambaldi ice caverns are natural formations. Dingus doesn't know, and sputters that without actual ice core samples, he can't say anything that they're definitely anything, but, like, WOW.
Lieutenant Looney Bin presses a button and informs the troops that they're now looking at a ten-centimeter resolution. There appears to be an object that's notably composed of metal. "The music box!" screams Syd. "Whuh?" says Captain Crackers. "Oh, I mean, nothing, I, uh, just, did you hear that?" says Syd. "Whuh?" says Detective Demented. "Isn't that Emily's favorite song playing IN YOUR HEAD?" "Whuh?" responds Uncle Unsound. "Uh blubble blubble blubble, thwat thwat thwat! Mommy!"
Sloane actually just orders the team to acquire the metal object before Sark does. But isn't my version more fun? I mean, more fun in a really sick and twisted way? Hey, Sloane! How's Emily's garden? Tell the lawn gnomes I say hi!
Mister Mental tells Syd and Dix that they're venturing out to Siberia, accompanied by a support team that will establish a perimeter with Dix to guard every possible entrance to the cavern. Syd's on point and Dixon's, as usual, NOT. And judging by the expression on Dixon's face as Señor Screwy tells them their flight leaves in four hours, he's none too pleased about hanging out in the subzero temps of Siberia while Syd gets to race around in yet another cute outfit.
Doctor Demento dismisses the troops, but asks Jack-O to stay behind. Syd gives Daddy the eye from the doorway as if to say, "Okay, he's a nutjob. Watch your back. He might just start whipping off his clothes and smearing himself with peanut butter." Turns out, Uncle Unsettled wants to ask Jack for a favor. "I think I may have underestimated the effect that Emily's death would have on me," Sloane says, putting on lipstick and skipping around the room. Jack's all, you're entitled to go a little buggy, dude. I mean, you're a sadistic bastard and all that, but she was your wife, after all. Sloane's all, yeah, whatever -- I can't be deemed crazy in the eyes of the Alliance, dude. I'm insane enough to kill my wife, but I ain't insane enough to ruin my standing in the Billionaire Boys' Club. They take seats, and Sloane requests that Jack monitor his behavior in the coming weeks. "I need you to pull me aside," says Sloane, "if you think that I'm letting my cards show." "Of course," says Jack, making a mental note to hire an Emily look-alike and have her parade around the Sloane mansion during the off-hours. Sloane looks down, his head shaking slightly. "The day before she...the day before she passed, Emily reserved us a suite at our favorite bed-and-breakfast in Sonoma," he says quietly. "Even in her last moments she was planning our future." Cue The Strings Of Sloane's Sanity. "I'm not a spiritual man," continues Sloane, "but I feel, lately, her presence, everywhere around me." Jack looks at Sloane closely, whips out his PDA so he can take notes on this, and says, "Trauma can bring about feelings of metaphysical familiarity. Waking dreams, as it were. On the other hand, who's to say she isn't with you?" Brigadier Bananas just looks down at his clasped fingers.
Wow, Jack. Way to shove Sloane into the realms of la-la land. And so the plan heretofore known as "Operation Gaslighting General Goo-Goo" moves into action.
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