Episode Report Card Demian: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Long Live The (Drag) Queen
By Demian | Season 4 | Episode 20 | Aired on 05.01.2002
P3. Raige orbs onto the empty dance floor with the still-unconscious Greg. She spots Piper lying on the carpet, and vaults over the railing to check for a pulse. Silly Raige. Piper's not dead. She's just blissfully unaware. Raige rises up and bats the Dolt on his shoulder, knocking him out of the freeze. The Dolt picks up right where he left off in his heroically tedious dissertation before realizing he's babbling at air. He "whuh?"s, and Raige explains the situation. The Dolt puffs out his lower lip to mope, "I can't believe she froze me." Heh. Raige orders him to heal Greg and orb him away to a supernatural safe house while she "put[s] this family back together." Idly, she wonders if the Dolt can "heal" Piper as well. The Dolt huffily replies that he "can't heal self-inflicted wounds." Oh, blow it out your ass, you sniveling pantywaist. She didn't open her wrists over a bathtub or swallow the business end of a pistol; she just got a little boozy, you tool. Raige smacks Piper around a little until she wakes up.
Casa Del Sole, Boudoir Of The Beast. The potted arrangement from earlier is now a blackened heap on the table. D'Eartha enters with another glass of tonic for The Phoebeast. Phoebe immediately peppers her with questions about Piper and Raige. If she promises never, ever again to go demon hunting with the Manor Ps, can she see them then? D'Eartha assures her that she'll feel better about the whole thing once she's had her tonic. Phoebe eyes the vanquished floral arrangement and puts two and two together as best her scattered little brain will allow. She claims D'Eartha is poisoning her. D'Eartha begs to differ. The tonic consists of "pure evil." "The baby feeds on it," D'Eartha adds, with a dismissive glance loaded with distaste at Phoebe's abdomen. Okay, that settles it. The tonic is D'Eartha's urine, isn't it? She's so disgusted with where she's ended up on this show that she's feeding Phoebe her purely evil urine, right? Right? Phoebe realizes that as the fetus grows in strength, she herself will weaken. D'Eartha avers that only the "good" in Phoebe will dissipate, and then we get round three of the "pick a side, any side" argument, which is unfortunate. I'd be far more interested if they dwelt on the idea of babies being alien parasites that invade their mothers' bodies to drain their hosts' lifeblood through umbilical cords or something. Miracle of childbirth, my ass. D'Eartha reminds Phoebe that she chose evil for the sake of her unborn child, and suggests she yank the ginormous pole out of her ass and just deal with it. "Drink the tonic," she warns one last time before raying out. Phoebe clutches her stomach and goggles through her many, many layers of eye make-up.