Episode Report Card Demian: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Long Live The (Drag) Queen
By Demian | Season 4 | Episode 20 | Aired on 05.01.2002
Piper, true to her word, hurls vials first and asks questions later, though I'm still at a loss to explain why she doesn't just freeze Phoebe as she would any other demon. The Phoebeast snaps open her hand, and a brief jet of flame meets the vial in mid-air. The vial explodes harmlessly above the carpet. "And here I thought you'd be happy to see me," deadpans The Phoebeast. Raige immediately steps forward and greets her with a genuine, if desperate, "I'm happy to see you." Raige's satin cravat seems to have shriveled in the face of Piper's chilly reception of the errant P. Make your own joke about shrinkage, if you like. "[Raige]," warns Piper through clenched jaw before sneering in The Phoebeast's direction, "Unless you're here to tell us you filed for divorce, we don't have much to talk about." The Phoebeast natters something irrelevant about Piper's "rigid" nature. Piper lunges for another vial from the coffee table. Catfight! Or not, unfortunately. Raige places a hand on Piper's wrist as the Dolt steps forward to ask The Phoebeast why she came back. The Phoebeast settles into a chair and announces, "We have an innocent to save, and not a lot of time." Raige beams brightly for a moment before The Phoebeast orders her to cram it. The Phoebeast intends to relinquish neither The Sole nor her crown. She merely wishes to follow through on her premonition, much as she has done in the past. Piper can't quite wrap her mind around the idea of The Queen Of All Evil saving an innocent, and indeed gets quite pissy about the whole thing. Raige drags Piper and the Dolt towards the sun porch as The Phoebeast rolls her eyes and examines her manicure.
"Look," Raige explains once they're out of earshot. "This is what we've been waiting for -- a sign that there's still good in her." Piper begs to differ. She rather prudently points out that it could be a trap set by The Sole to take out his in-laws. The Dolt sides with Raige. "Maybe by helping her do good," he argues, "it might sway her back to our side." Piper heaves a mighty sigh and agrees to go along with whatever plan Raige has devised. Raige returns to the parlor to inform The Phoebeast that they'll join her to save the innocent in question. Piper scoops up an armful of vials from the coffee table. "What's that for?" The Phoebeast asks mildly. "Insurance," the poker-faced Piper replies. The gals stare at each other for a wee bit before the scene cuts to a grime-encrusted alleyway loaded with Convenient Shipping Pallets Of Grave Bodily Injury. Aw. It's like old home night on Charmed. Just don't strain your eyes looking for The Late Lamented. Raige orbs down on her own into the foreground, The Phoebeast blazes up in the middle, Piper and the Dolt orb their way into the back of the shot, and suddenly I'm recapping a transporter scene from Star Trek. Seriously, sling the Glamorous Ladies into one-piece velour micro-minis and black pleather go-go boots, and they'd be the first all-girl away team in Trek history. That is, if you ignore the Dolt. Which I do. Frequently.