Episode Report Card Demian: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Long Live The (Drag) Queen
By Demian | Season 4 | Episode 20 | Aired on 05.01.2002
Raige moans and whines for a moment, as she has orbed herself into a mud puddle. The Phoebeast growls at her to shut it before dragging the group into a huddle behind some abandoned crates. Presently, Mr. Conroy lopes into the far end of the alleyway, wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt. Scorchy Mallick squiggles in behind him, and my brain shorts out, so novel is the sight of an attractive demon stalking an attractive innocent on this show. Scorchy's got some big feet, too, y'all. So, um, yeah. Piper flicks her wrist to freeze Greg in mid-lope. Scorchy spins on his heels, whipping his head around and peering into the sky for the source of the freeze. So hot, and yet so dumb. Sigh. Piper emerges from behind the crate all, "Hey. How you doin'?" Scorchy Mallick fixes his eyes on her and grins, stalking past Greg to her side of the alley. Piper raises her hands to blow him up, but The Phoebeast shoves Piper's arms off to the side. A ten-speed chained to a standpipe vanishes in a cloud of smoke and sparks. Scorchy conjures a Flaming Ball Of Death in the palm of his hand as he continues to advance on Piper. "What are you doing?" Piper shrieks at The Phoebeast. "You can't kill him," she replies, releasing Piper's arms from her grip. She slinks over to Scorchy, who immediately dissolves the FBOD and drops to one knee, murmuring, "My queen." The Phoebeast leans into Scorchy's scorching face to whisper, "Leave that innocent alone. Go." Scorchy Mallick rises to his feet while giving her the wicked side-eye before squiggling out. The Phoebeast turns to face the Manor Three, who gape at her in disbelief. "What?" she shrugs a little awkwardly. "He's one of my subjects." Phoebe's nervous half-smile drops into the commercial break.
Alley. Raige gives the frozen Greg the once-over, totally checking out his cotton-clad ass, as Piper wails, "How could you just let him go?" The Phoebeast splutters that "things are not as black-and-white as they used to be," and that she can't off her husband's minions as she once did in the past. "Killing Mallick would have been a huge betrayal" of The Sole on her part, she explains. "'Mallick'?" inquires Piper with an icy arch of a deadly eyebrow. "You're on a first-name basis with the demons?" The Phoebeast touches her temples in frustration as the Dolt notes that she could have stopped Scorchy on her own. Why did she enlist the aid of the Manor Three? "Because I missed you guys, okay?" she blurts. "Is that so wrong? I missed you." Piper's steely resolve softens a bit, and Raige allows the slightest trace of a smile to flicker across her lips. The Dolt, however, lays into The Phoebeast with the whole "you can't have it both ways" argument. "Why not?" Phoebe demands. "Just because it's different, doesn't mean it can't work!" Piper closes ranks with the Dolt, and after a bit more arguing, Raige does the same. While they managed to save Greg's fine cotton-clad ass from Scorchy's evil FBOD this time around, Scorchy is certain to return to complete his assignment. The Phoebeast dismisses their concerns, claiming that Mallick would never come back once she's ordered otherwise. "That's what [demons] do," Piper groans with a great sweeping of her arms. "They snarl, and they come back." Raige adds that because of the non-vanquish, she and Piper will have to continue protecting Greg's fine cotton-clad ass, rather than focusing their attention on saving Phoebe's soul. "You think I need saving?" Phoebe pouts defensively. Piper rolls her eyes and asks Phoebe if she's for real. "That baby inside you," she asserts, "has corrupted you more than you think." She finally lays it on the line: Phoebe cannot return to the Manor, nor enjoy the life she shares with her sisters, as long as she remains married to The Sole. The Phoebeast is outraged that Piper would demand she choose between her husband and her sisters. Had the Dolt any stones to speak of, this is where he would beat Phoebe over the head with a metal trash can lid. Instead, he mildly insists that she choose a side in the battle between good and evil once and for all. Phoebe backs down, examines the grime beneath her feet, and finally mutters, "I'm sorry you feel that way." Shooting daggers at Piper with her eyes, she blazes out.