Episode Report Card Demian: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Long Live The (Drag) Queen
By Demian | Season 4 | Episode 20 | Aired on 05.01.2002
P3. The Dolt orbs in to find Piper making sweet, sweet love to a product-placed bottle of Jack Daniels. She wearily waves off her husband and his gooey pep chat. She feels she's failed her family, you see, and she'd like to indulge herself in a little bourbon-fueled bender in peace, thank you very much. "[Raige] could see that Cole clearly had turned evil," she admits, pouring out another shot. "And she tried to tell me over and over and over and over and over." "I didn't see that he was evil, Piper," notes the Dolt. "Yeah, but you're a fucking moron," she mutters, slugging back some Jack. Her eyes get a bit damp as she carries on about Phoebe being her baby sister and how she feels she led Phoebe into a demonic slaughterhouse or something. Whatever. All you need to know is that Holly Marie Combs plays drunk as well as she plays frightened, joyful, shrill, self-defeating, disinterested, playful, irritated, pleased, snide, sarcastic, wicked, wise, mortally wounded, and dead. The Dolt takes the bottle away from her while delivering a heroically tedious dissertation on how wonderful she is. She freezes his worthless ass and snatches the bottle out of his hand. She snorts back another shot, falling backwards off her stool as she does so. Piper realizes she likes the floor much more than she thought she would, and settles in for the duration.
Meanwhile, back in the drunk tank, the meeting's over, and various sots pour themselves out of the exits. We'll just ignore the juxtaposition of scenes here, okay? Raige, woefully alone, nervously glances around as Greg slides past her to head out into the street. Realizing that Piper and the Dolt are no-shows, she rolls her eyes and takes off after her innocent. Stonie ominously swishes coffee around in his mouth.
Out in the dank, forbidding alleyway, Greg hears the auditorium door open behind him and turns to confront Raige. "Are you following me?" "Hey, of course I am, baby," she smooths. "Have you checked out that ass of yours lately?" Oh, fine. She merely confirms that she is, indeed, following him, and pleads with him to return with her to the hall so she can explain herself amongst crowds of people. Oops. Too late. Stonie appears through the mist to shoot a blazing dart at Greg's back from his hand. Raige shoves the innocent to the pavement and screams for the Dolt. Greg pushes himself to his feet just in time to receive another blazing dart in his shoulder. He flies backwards through the alley to land face-first in a puddle of filth. Stonie, meanwhile, slides a dagger out of his waistband and raises it above his head. Raige summons the dagger into her own hand with her orbing telekinesis, then hurls it back into Stonie's chest. A fireball erupts from the wound to consume Stonie, dragging the demon down to Hell. Raige races to Greg's unconscious form to find blood seeping from the hole in his shoulder. "Dammit!" she bellows at the sky. "Where are my sisters?" Dunno, Raige, but someone at the WB thinks they've hidden themselves amongst the commercials.