Episode Report Card Demian: A | 1 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Big Gay Chris Went To 2026, And All I Got Was This Lousy Headache
By Demian | Season 6 | Episode 10 | Aired on 11.22.2003
Up in the bathroom, Big Gay Chris gingerly tugs his t-shirt down from his neck to reveal a spectacularly gory wound glistening on his chest. He stares at its reflection in the mirror, then lifts his eyes to stare into his own. Aww. He looks like he's about to cry. C'mere, hubby o' mine. Let Demian make it all better. Big Chris slowly rebuttons his shirt and leans heavily against the sink, blinking back tears. He eventually straightens up and digs around in his pants pocket to withdraw a tawdry little engagement ring I'd not be surprised to learn he found at the bottom of a Cracker Jacks box. Assuming, of course, they even have Cracker Jacks in the hellish future from which he's traveled, but I'm getting a little ahead of myself. As Big Chris examines the thing, the shots cross-fades from his face to…
…land in that hellish future from which my husband has traveled. How do I know we've arrived in said hellish future? Because of that assily CGI'd personal spaceship puttering across the screen. Also, the shot encompasses the San Francisco skyline as viewed from one of the hills, and while the Transamerica Pyramid remains pointy and erect, the same cannot be said for nearly all of the surrounding towers. One building appears to have been sheared in half, another has a still-smoking gash in its side, and the center of the frame's occupied with what appears to be a fifteen-story pile of rubble. The bizarre little spaceship whirs above it all before the shot cuts to another view of future destruction, this time of the Golden Gate Bridge. Half of the northern support and most of the roadway have sheared away. The camera pans down from the bridge to land in a scorched garden, where Future Big Gay Chris slips the tacky engagement ring onto Future LesBianca's finger. She's got a pretty nifty French manicure for a gal living in a war zone. She's also sporting a silver lamé micro miniskirt that threatens to flash us with beaver every time she uncrosses her legs. The cinematography for these future scenes, by the way, is a close cousin of the ChinoCam, in that everything's tinted a bleak and chilly blue that oddly enough makes all of the pretty people on the TV even prettier. Sigh.
Anyway, Big Gay Chris proposes to LesBianca in what he calls "our spot." I'll not be holding this against him, because he of course has yet to meet me in the timeline presented in these scenes. LesBianca agrees to marry him on one condition -- that Big Chris returns safely from the past. They mack, only to be interrupted by a chittering, airborne video camera. No, seriously. It's this minicam with, like, wings or something, and it shoots out an array of lights that flicker across LesBianca's face. Big Gay Chris tosses a hand around, telekinetically smashing the thing against a shattered statue on the far side of the garden. "Are you okay?" he asks. "Yeah," she replies. "I don't think it had time to transmit." "I can't believe he's sending probes after us now," Big Chris snits, rising to his feet. "I'm gonna kill that son of a bitch." He's so cute when he's trying to be butch. "No!" LesBianca cries, rising to latch onto his arms. "You need to stick to the plan," she insists. "You have to go back -- it's the only way to stop him. It's the only way to change all of this." She sadly kisses his hand, and he leans in to rub his forehead against hers before the scene cross-fades back to…