Episode Report Card Demian: A | 1 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Big Gay Chris Went To 2026, And All I Got Was This Lousy Headache
By Demian | Season 6 | Episode 10 | Aired on 11.22.2003
All The News That's Fit To Fuck Me. Elise Rothman, Girl Editor exhorts Phoebe to take some time off and visit Chronic in Hong Kong. Phoebe complains that it's "just another airport" in "just another city," and if anyone knows from cheap airport hotel rooms in anonymous cities, it's the Feebs. "You can always send in your column," Elise prompts. "Email, fax machine -- it's the twenty-first century, and I'd like to welcome you to it!" Phoebe allows herself a small smile and drops her head. Elise urges Phoebe to take as much time as she needs -- to go ahead and live with Chronic in Hong Kong and discover if they're meant to be. Phoebe rolls her eyes, and much as it pains me to say this, word, Phoebe. I hate relationship chatter. "Look," Elise continues in a no-bullshit tone of voice, "it's time I gave you some advice for once: Don't let it be work." Off Phoebe's quizzical expression, Elise explains, "There's a whole generation of women out there who followed the dream [and] built successful careers, but at the expense of everything else." Phoebe frowns. "Now, I'm not saying they all made mistakes," Elise hastens to add, "because some of them are very happy. But some of us aren't. Trust me, you don't want to wake up one day and realize that all you've got is your career." Phoebe nose ring looks pensive. I'd look enraged, but I'm convinced Elise is simply using this little speech to exploit Phoebe's transparent neediness, thereby convincing the irritating twit to move three thousand miles away so Elise won't have to share the office with an aggravating bitch anymore. Thus, I am letting it slide.
Somewhere else, a short-haired blonde who bears a disturbing resemblance to a much younger Carol Burnett eases open her apartment's door to find Raige and Piper smirking at her from the hall. "How's it going?" Piper grins. "Can I help you?" Carol wonders, a bit befuddled. Raige lies that they just moved to the city from out of state, and they wanted to meet their new neighbors. Politely playing along while clearly not caring, Carol's all, "Really? From where?" "Phoenix!" Piper practically shouts. Carol's eyes widen just a bit, but she quickly recovers her composure and steps aside to invite them in. Once they've crossed the threshold, Carol shuts and locks the door. As the Glamorous Ladies admire Carol's pad, an obnoxious five-year-old girl trips in to tug on Carol's sleeve and nag her about something entirely unimportant. While Carol deals with her daughter, "Bianca," Piper and Raige catch sight of the wishbone tattoo on the kid's forearm. Carol hustles the brat into her bedroom as Raige gulps, "Now what?" Carol answers this by conjuring a Flaming Ball Of Death she quickly hurls at the two intruders. Piper shoves Raige out of the way, and the FBOD flies past to vanquish a tchotchke on the coffee table. Carol prepares another FBOD, but Piper unleashes her Hands Of Discontent, and the blonde explodes into a million tiny shards. The nosy Ps scoot across the room to barge into Bianca's bedroom, and slam through the door in time to witness Carol's rematerialization. Said rematerializing, by the way, resembles a cloud of variably-shaded puzzle pieces knitting themselves together into Carol form. Moderately cool effect. Carol scoops Bianca up into her arms and squiggles out. "They can reform?" Raige gapes. "Apparently," Piper bleats. "Which means the one that attacked Chris can, too." Can and did, sweetpea. You might want to pay attention to your own goddamned pre-credits sequence every now and then.