Episode Report Card Demian: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Prat House
By Demian | Season 5 | Episode 18 | Aired on 04.12.2003
Back from the break, Phoebe and Raige peek around the corner once more to eavesdrop on the flashback, and appear at the far side of the frame behind Season One Feebs. Applaud the effects staff for this one -- Phoebe and Raige's digitally inserted images have been blurred so that the two appear to be in the flashback's actual background. When S1 Feebs instructs the Dolt to think of Piper as his mother, what with the smothering offers of food and such, Raige shoots Phoebe a scorching side-eye that by all rights should boil the saline right out of her implants. Heh. As the flashback plays out, Phoebe and Raige tiptoe down the hallway, with Raige berating Phoebe for hitting on the Dolt way back in the day. Phoebe wrinkles her own nose in disgust at the memory -- HA! -- and suggests she and Raige abuse the Book of Shadows in hopes of figuring out an escape plan. They cower behind a plant as S1 Feebs and S1 Piper amble towards the stairs.
Over in the House Of Pain, Dr. Rubinstein's impressed with Piper and the Dolt's detailed recall of events five years in the past. The marrieds hem and haw and lame an excuse for their unusually impressive memories, then dissolve into another round of bickering when the Dolt claims Piper has "a bit of a temper." "I DO NOT!" Piper screams. "Oh no?" perks the Dolt.
Manor. Crouching Phoebe and Not-Terribly-Well-Hidden Raige flare out of the hall and into the darkened attic to duck down behind a hope chest. Dantalian materializes through the floorboards and strides over to fondle the altered Book of Shadows until Season Three Feebs boots her across the room. As Djb so succinctly put it the first time around, "Piper freezes one of the bitch's hands, and when [the bitch] won't cough up any relevant information, Piper smashes it right off. Kick-ass, yo." Behind the hope chest, Raige glares at Phoebe. "I was under a spell!" Phoebe stutters. Yeah. Right. It's never your fault. Got it. Hag. The flashback continues, with the S3 Dolt orbing in and Dantalian executing that excellent exit tumble of hers, before S3 Piper freezes the Dolt and S3 Feebs smashes him into bloody, chunky Dolt bits. Pause. Rewind. Play. Pause. Rewind. Play. Pause. Rewind. Slow-forward.
Doctor John's House Of Pain. Piper insists that she "shattered" the Dolt "metaphorically." Well, no. You didn't shatter the Dolt at all, now, did you? Your hag of a sister pulled off that particular Dolt Abuse coup, and WE ALL JUST WATCHED HER DO IT. Dr. Rubinstein suggests they "explore all of this a little more fully." What's to explore, Doc? The hacks writing these scripts can't maintain continuity from one goddamned scene to the next. End of story! Is that so difficult to understand?