Episode Report Card Demian: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Prat House
By Demian | Season 5 | Episode 18 | Aired on 04.12.2003
Phoebe hears The Transsexual Zombie shrieking in the attic above, and orders Raige to orb them both up to the next floor. Once they've arrived, Zack glances up at them from the gutted remains of The Transsexual Zombie and slimes, "Looks like curiosity just killed your cat." That's a bad, bad line, my friend, and your delivery did nothing to detract from its crappiness. Maybe you deserved your banishment from the credits. Zack blinks out as Kit The Corpse morphs out into Nancy.
Flash to the real Manor. Nancy doubles over in pain and softly whispers, "Oh, no!" as a white flare erupts on her right hand's fingers. The flare races up her arm into her torso like a particularly shiny and virulent attack of flesh-eating bacteria, dissolving her body as it goes. A shadowy grey afterimage of her form hangs in the air for a moment before vanishing as well. The camera cuts to an exterior shot of the Manor, above which storm clouds quickly gather. Huh. Maybe I shouldn't have been so quick with the DUN! before that last commercial break.
Kidding. Like I care. And who didn't know Nancy and The Transsexual Zombie were one and the same long before now, anyway?
House Of Pain. Piper and the Dolt now hold hands and snuggle as the good doctor spouts touchy-feely crap. Suddenly, the Dolt gets a migraine. Just as quickly, the audience gets an eyesore as Brian Krause unleashes The Constipated Chimpanzee Face Of Unbearable Anguish And Torment. Piper freezes Dr. Rubinstein and wonders what gives. The Dolt wails something about witches crying out in pain and blah before Phoebe's tinny little voice calls out from the depths of Piper's brain.
Back in the attic, Phoebe's standing in the center of the room, screaming at the ceiling. Raige attempts to silence her, but Phoebe lays it on the line: If they're trapped in Piper's memory because of a spell, then Piper has to rewind to the beginning of the last flashback so they can rescue Nancy The Transgender Transspecies Menace. Got it? Good.
House Of Pain. Piper realizes that Phoebe and Raige are trapped in her head, and mumbles something about the last memory she and the husband shared with the good doctor. "The one where I proposed?" wheezes the Dolt.
At that, Phoebe and Raige flare back down to the tiny water closet. Raige immediately orbs them back up to the attic and smashes the Blink-B-Gone at Zack's feet. He claws his eyes in agony as Phoebe stealthily retrieves his dagger from the floor. She jams it in his stomach while sneering rather predictably, "What's the matter? Cat got your tongue?" Zack howls and wails and blazes on off to The Waste Land. The Transsexual Zombie bats at the air to express his/her approval.