Episode Report Card Demian: C- | 2 USERS: B YOU GRADE IT Revenge Of The Big Gay Done One (Part The First)
By Demian | Season 5 | Episode 22 | Aired on 05.10.2003
Doctor John's House Of Pain, Reception Division. The Dolt orbs into the hallway to join Piper and The Rapidly Aging Done One on the sofa, but no sooner does he sit than he's summoned back upstairs. Piper pitches a fit, and when the Dolt attempts to reassure her that orbing up to Whitelighterland is safe, she reveals that she couldn't care less about Dolt safety issues. Nope. Living with the Feebs all these years has had a most detrimental effect on poor Piper, for she's concerned solely with her own needs. "I'm scared that every time something good happens -- every time I think we can actually have a normal life together -- something goes wrong." Whatever, you shrew. You devoted an entire episode to that particular Issue back in November, and I refuse to listen to your incessant bitching about it now. The Dazzling Mrs. Darryl should smack your whiny ass into next week. The Dolt apologizes and leaves. Piper clenches. Scene.
Back in the attic, Raige has finally stumbled across the Book's entry for the Titans, and beckons Phoebe over. Phoebe's not terribly surprised to learn that the demons of the week have been hijacked from ancient Greek mythology, which makes sense given this season's disgusting ancient myth fetish. Raige proposes that she violate her own prohibition on orbing to lure the Titans to the Manor. Once they've arrived, she and Phoebe will unleash their arsenal of vanquishing potions until the last Titan lies dead. Well, with that stupid plan, someone'll end up dead, you halfwit, but it won't be the Titans. Phoebe has her reservations as well, and suggests they wait to gather more information. Raige rashly insists on attacking the Titans now, "before [The Rapidly Aging Done One] gets home." "Why do I feel like you're making me choose between my sister and my nephew?" Phoebe sighs. "Because you're slightly overdramatic?" Raige perks. Um. "Slightly"? Phoebe caves, so the gals arm themselves with various vials, and Raige quickly orbs out and back in again. Boobarella presently spins into the attic, and good Lord, but that's a cheap effect. Up until now, it had appeared in front of a light background, so I hadn't noticed exactly how awful it really was. Up against the dark attic walls, however? Yick. It looks like they took the costume department's test shots of Lisa Thornhill and Photoshopped the images into a blurry two-second flip-flopping loop. Wonder Woman had better effects thirty years ago, people. Hell, I've seen animated .gifs more impressive than this. I hate this show.
Raige tosses a vanquishing vial into Boobarella's right one. Boobarella barely flinches before training her stony gaze on hapless, foolhardy Raige. Phoebe breaks the connection momentarily with a vanquishing vial of her own, but Boobarella simply TKs the Feebs across the room into a table. As Phoebe lands -- and lands hard, mind you -- a glowy cloud of orbs materializes above her, and every goddamn gaydar in North America blares simultaneously when a tousle-haired twentysomething with überfag sunglasses emerges form the cloud to scream, "Don't look at her!" This terribly sensitive young man whips one vial after another into Boobarella's torso until Boobarella wordlessly concedes defeat and spins away. If there's a joke to be made about Boobarella's most prominent assets having little effect on the new arrival, you'll have to make it yourself. Once Boobarella has left the building, the sensitive young man gallantly helps Phoebe to her feet, asking if she's all right. Phoebe just gawps at him for a moment before turning to discover Papier Mâché Raige, petrified on the carpet. "Oh, my God," Phoebe breathes as the camera tracks in on the tacky replica of Rose McGowan before cutting away to commercial.