Episode Report Card Demian: C- | 2 USERS: B YOU GRADE IT Revenge Of The Big Gay Done One (Part The First)
By Demian | Season 5 | Episode 22 | Aired on 05.10.2003
Attic. Aftermath. "Don't worry," the sensitive young lad tells the Feebs, who's gazing with dismay upon the tacky replica of Rose McGowan. "She's all right," he adds, before amending, "Well, she's not completely all right, but she's not dead." Phoebe remains speechless, so the sensitive youth continues, a bit conspiratorially, "Frankly, you see this sort of thing a lot -- in museums, universities, town centers. Most of those statues? Aren't really statues. They're people like your sister here who've been turned into stone." Phoebe, still gaping, finally manages to choke out, "Who are you?" "Chris Perry," comes the answer. "I'm from the future," he admits a bit reluctantly, understanding how unlikely that sounds. At this moment, I'd like to remind you all of the prominent mid-'80s survey that determined forty-two-percent of all gay men were named Chris. Of course, that survey was conducted by HBO's Not Necessarily The News, but to this day, I find its conclusions remarkably accurate. Piper stumbles into the attic at this juncture to gasp, "Oh! My! God! Tell me that's just a really good likeness of [Raige]." I'd love to, darling, but I can't, because it's not a terribly good likeness at all. It looks more like Lauryn freaking Hill, for Christ's sake. Phoebe crosses to Piper's side as Big Gay Chris and his dangerous eyebrows get frisky with the exposition. He was sent back to alter the past by a person or persons who must remain anonymous for the time being. You see, prior to his time-hopping intervention, history showed that Raige died when Boobarella attacked the attic. In fact, Raige became the Titans' "third Whitelighter victim." This, of course, meant the destruction of the Power of Three, and with the Charmed Ones out of the way, the Titans went on to rule the earth, the moon turned the color of blood, cats lay down with dogs, yada, yada, blah. You get the picture. Piper absorbs Chris's story, then bellows for the Dolt, who orbs in immediately. "How many Whitelighters are missing?" Piper demands. The Dolt confirms that a second one dropped off the supernatural radar since last he spoke with the wife. Big Gay Chris wiggles his eyebrows. "Believe me now?" he asks. Before anyone can answer, a vase shatters in the house below. Piper, Phoebe, and the Dolt head off to investigate, leaving Big Gay Chris alone with Tacky Raige. I suppose I could mention that in the original script for this episode, Big Gay Chris correctly predicted what the Manor Morons would find downstairs. For some reason, that line was cut.
The Manor Morons hit the stairwell landing, and are greeted by that goddamned fairy queen from last week. Why couldn't she have stayed dead? The Manor Morons follow the goddamned undead fairy queen with their eyes to discover a menagerie of just about every stoopid magical creature from this season's episodes mingling in the main hall. Yep, the gang's all here -- Snow Raige's Seven Ethnically Diverse Dwarves, Freaky Tiny Iguana Woman, the C.S.I. leprechaun, and those assy Nymrods, among others. Lead Dwarf steps over to apologize for the broken vase. "We'll pay for that," he assures the Manor Morons, "as long as you stop the world from ending." The Manor Morons gape.