Episode Report Card Demian: C- | 2 USERS: B YOU GRADE IT Revenge Of The Big Gay Done One (Part The First)
By Demian | Season 5 | Episode 22 | Aired on 05.10.2003
Down in Antarctica, Bitch Tits rails about Boobarella's "incompetence," which, he argues, "has compromised [them] all." Boobarella takes offense and gets shrill. Bogtrotter steps up to vow that he'll not leave Boobarella behind in Antarctica. Bitch Tits gets far too close to Bogtrotter to assure him that he won't have to. Why, you ask? Because Bitch Tits is going to fry Boobarella's incompetent implants straight to Hell, silly! Boobarella shrieks and wails and vanishes in a veil of flame. If you ask me, Bitch Tits just wanted Bogtrotter all to his freakishly muscled self. I should leave it at that, because God forbid I inadvertently encourage an influx of HoYayers onto the Charmed boards. And yet, I can't. Once Boobarella's gone, Bitch Tits croons threatening noises in Bogtrotter's ear. Bogtrotter's all, "I have to bottom, don't I? Damn."
Manor. Piper and the Dolt corral all of the Stoopid Magikal Kreatures from the main hallway onto the sun porch, and slide shut the doors I never knew were there. That goddamned undead fairy queen briefly gets caught in said heretofore-unseen sliding glass doors, and while I'm tempted to urge Piper to squish the goddamned zombie like a bug, I know the creepy thing will just resurrect itself by the end of the second hour. Phoebe, meanwhile, leers at a shirtless male "oracle" who's gayer than that spell-addled porn star she screwed in Season One. Dude. What happened to this episode? It's like Big Gay Chris orbed in, and now I'm seeing everything through his überfag sunglasses. If the Dolt starts up with the homoerotic subtext, I'm stabbing myself in the neck with a pair of nail scissors.
Piper once more makes with the rudeness and the bitchery, and just as I'm about to hurl a brick through the television set, Freaky Tiny Iguana Lady toddles in from the kitchen with a piece of cold chicken from the fridge. She explains that the Stoopid Magikal Kreatures sensed the Titan threat long before the Glamorous Ladies did, and so journeyed to the Manor to offer their assistance. Upon hearing The Woefully Neglected Done One's miserable sniveling pouring down the stairs from the Bridal Boudoir, Freaky Tiny Iguana Lady volunteers herself for nanny duty, and flares upstairs in a hyperactive haze of green. Piper's momentarily outraged by Iguana Lady's sassy audacity, but suddenly remembers that they left Big Gay Chris alone in the attic. She intends to "see what Future Boy is up to" herself, so she orders the Dolt after Freaky Tiny Iguana Lady and sends the Feebs to tend to the Stoopid Magikal Kreatures on the sun porch. Heh. I want to type something like, "Upon Phoebe's arrival, the already overstressed sun porch collapsed under the massive weight of the collective stupidity bearing down upon the floorboards. There were no survivors." And I guess I just did. That's a whole lot of stoopid on the sun porch, kids.