Episode Report Card Couch Baron: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT A World Of Hurt
By Couch Baron | Season 1 | Episode 2 | Aired on 07.13.1997
Well, I'm taking recapping to a whole new place here. I'm writing this while waiting to see if the stomach cramps I'm experiencing turn out to be appendicitis. To give you an idea of how much it hurts, it's as though my hatred of McManus has manifested itself as physical pain. On the other hand, it's likely to make me more sympathetic to the pain the characters on this show endure regularly. Anyway, it should be an adventure. I just hope McManus isn't too odious -- the stomach-churning he regularly evokes could cause a rupture. Oh, who am I kidding? I'll be in the hospital by the twenty-minute mark.
By the way, I am not making this up.
The first thing we see on the screen is a blue projection of the word "fuck." I guess that answers the question of whether the number of utterances of the word "fuck" was going to diminish after Ortolani's death. Hill's "point" is that "fuck" and "rape" are four-letter words, but so are "wife" and "love." If in my lifetime I hear one more person smugly claim that "love" is a four-letter word, I'm going to throw my appendix at him. If I still have it, of course. Hill goes on that love is a curse, not just romantic love, but also the kind with friends and family. We get a shot of Schibetta slowly walking to the morgue. An attendant unzips a body bag, and we get a full-on shot of the once-hot-but-now-crispy Ortolani. Schibetta slowly nods. I don't get it. Is he identifying the body? Because that seems tough in this case. Maybe he sees a tiny bit of vermicelli stuck in Ortolani's teeth. We flash back to Post dropping the match, and then cut to Glynn asking "what the fuck happened" to Ortolani. I'm going to keep a count and see if the number of times a character uses the word "fuck" in this episode exceeds the number of times I wince in pain and utter the same. Because if it does, this show is pretty fucking profane. Burruano suggests that it was the Latinos, but Healy opines that everyone had a reason to hate Ortolani. McManus agrees, and points out that the hacks did as well, especially since, obviously, one of them had to have done the deed himself or let the murderer into the hole. Healy: "Fuck you, McManus." McManus: "Yeah, fuck me."
Couch Baron's Appendix: Wow, with all this profanity, I guess I'd better flare up to give you a chance in the "fuck" race, huh?
Couch Baron: You do and I'll fucking rip you out myself, you fucking useless organ.
Couch Baron's Appendix: I'm really fucking scared. Try some of this.
Couch Baron: FUCK!