Episode Report Card Couch Baron: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT A World Of Hurt
By Couch Baron | Season 1 | Episode 2 | Aired on 07.13.1997
Beecher returns to his pod to find Schillinger lying on the top bunk. We asks, "Where you been, sweet pea?" Hee. Maybe Vern has a tender side after all. Upon hearing that Beecher went to see Sister Pete, Schillinger asks why, and upon hearing the reason, grins that Beecher didn't ask his permission. "When are you gonna learn, prag? You belong to me." He tells Beecher to stand up and ask him if he can fuck his wife. After a little back-and-forth, Schillinger has Beecher screaming, "PLEASE SIR MAY I FUCK MY WIFE?" Hee. Now do "go down on." No, but Schillinger's just as funny as he smiles, "When you ask me like that, I can't deny you anything."
Cut to Genevieve entering the prison. She's got Jackie O hair and looks about as uncomfortable and out-of-place as Penelope did at the police station in Trading Places. It's the old-fashioned picnic basket that really sells the look, though. The hack on duty asks her if she's transporting any contraband, and she says no and asks, "If I was carrying explosives, why would I say yes?" The response: "Lady, I don't know. The state says I have to ask, I ask." Get this guy an airport security job, posthaste! He tells her to put her purse in one of the lockers, and then to go to Room One. At least he didn't tell her to go to Room 101.
Genevieve enters to find Beecher waiting, holding a sadly wilted bunch of flowers. Aw. Beecher's patheticness at the beginning of the series is tough to watch. They kiss awkwardly, and then Genevieve starts babbling about a painting Holly made for him of their house and family. "You're not in it. You're not in the painting." If I were Beecher, the intimacy train would have been derailed right about here. He's unfazed, however. She says she'll cook for him, but he asks if she'll just hold him. Aw. Poor Beecher.
Later, the desk hack knocks on the conjugal room doors, telling Beecher and the random prisoner in the other one to move it. They emerge and go to be strip-searched. They assume a position with which I suspect Beecher has become quite familiar lately, but it's the random guy up whose ass they find some drugs. The desk hack gets a call, and detains Random Prisoner's ostensible wife. Genevieve bails faster than a virgin from a prison rodeo.
Back in the Prag Pod, Schillinger, reading a book, asks how it was. Try as I might, I can't make out the book title, but it's probably safe to assume that it's something along the lines of The Whiter The Better: Racism And You. Beecher manages that it was "good," which I doubt, and Schillinger gets annoyed. He then picks up a stack of photographs, expositing that he found them under Beecher's mattress, and says that Beecher has a lovely family. "I'm amazed you haven't shown me these pictures before. Amazed, and a little hurt." Hee. Beecher looks like he's waiting for an appendectomy. And that, I can tell you, is not a happy face. Schillinger continues that his own wife is dead, but he has two sons, who will do anything he tells them to. That's not all that true, but Beecher doesn't know that. In the same conversational tone, Schillinger suggests that he send his sons to visit Beecher's family. "My sons and your wife. My sons and your daughter." Ew. He passes over the photographs, and Beecher, with a look of such emotional pain that I feel bad for ever having made fun of him, tears them up. Great scene.