Episode Report Card Demian: C | 1 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Welcome To Fantathy Thithtern!
By Demian | Season 6 | Episode 6 | Aired on 10.25.2003
Flash to Phoebe and Chronic, who's looking considerably worse for the wear, and I, for one, could not be happier with this turn of events. Pity he's not real. Chronic's propped against a low concrete wall, with Phoebe arranged rather photogenically at his side. She bellows uselessly for the Dolt, then again tries to convince Chronic that they've been flung into some sort of alternate reality. Phoebe also realizes, through her still stoopid yet mercifully silent new power, that the fake world in which they've found themselves is partly of Chronic's making. Chronic, pale and sweating profusely, still finds the strength to snark, "If I die, promise me you'll see a [shrink]." Phoebe smiles fondly and vows to get Chronic out of there alive. The camera tracks back from the two to…
…emerge through Thimon's cistern. "An empath?" Thimon screeches incredulously as Phoebe's vignette makes room for first Piper's, then Raige's. Raige, incidentally, is as we last saw her, but Piper's now behind the wheel of the Grand Cherokee, presumably speeding towards The Only Hospital In San Francisco. "You didn't tell me the middle sister was an empath!" Thimon rages, stomping over to Big Gay Chris. Big Chris lifts his head from his conveniently placed animal pelt all, "Whoops!" Thimon babbles about Chronic interfering in his grand plan before launching into a tedious monologue about dethire "crumbling" worlds because dethire is inherently "empty," like, shut up and die already. Nobody tuned in tonight to gain insight into your worldview, tool. Over in Phoebe's watery vignette, Chronic asks for something to drink. As Phoebe rises to her feet, Big Gay Chris weakly waves his hand in the air, and Phoebe's vignette collides with Raige's upon the cistern's surface, transferring Phoebe from her own world into that inhabited by her sister. I'd take a moment to wonder exactly how powerful my dear, impaled husband is if he could, even in his weakened state, override Thimon's massive madcap mojo with just a teensy bit of his own, but I've got a deadline to meet. Some will consider this display as further proof Big Gay Chris really is The Done One, and others will chalk it up to Big Chris's soon-to-be-revealed demonic nature. As for me, I don't give a rat's ass one way or the other anymore. Just keep the pretty, pretty boy on the show, because these other assholes are boring me to tears.
Anyhoo, where was I? Oh, yeah: Thimon, livid, boots Big Gay Chris in the head, but it's too late. We cut back to the cistern, where Phoebe glances cautiously around Raige's alleyway and calls out, "[Chronic]?" The taller of a pair of fresh demons wings a Flaming Ball Of Death at Phoebe's head. Heh. Even in Raige's alternate reality, people want Phoebe dead. Raige darts out from behind the Dumpster to pull Phoebe out of harm's way, and the FBOD scorches a corrugated metal barrier at the far end of the alley. The gals swap tales of woe and quickly realize what's really going on, though Phoebe of course has no idea how she ended up in Raige's world. Raige mopes that she's certain they'll need Piper to sort things out, just as the two fresh demons whip FBOD after FBOD against the Dumpster. Finally, Tall Demon conjures one last FBOD and leaps over to sizzle some Glamorous Lady ass. The gals, however, have disappeared. As the two fresh demons skulk down the alleyway, Raige orbs back into the Dumpster with the Feebs. Why didn't she orb back to The Only Hospital In San Francisco? Beats the shit out of me. Maybe Brad Kern likes to see women buried up to their necks in garbage. Be honest: That wouldn't surprise you, would it?
Thimon darts his eyes over to Piper's vignette, which gradually fills the screen. The Grand Cherokee flies down a street, with the feverish Tiny Gay Chris turning purple in the back seat from the screaming and such. Piper diverts her attention from the road for a moment to make cooing noises at him, and ends up running a stop sign. A pick-up hurtles into the intersection to broadside the Grand Cherokee straight into the final commercial break.